"Drinking on an empty stomach again?"
"You betcha."
"You've been here every night for the past few months. You may as well work here."
"Oh please. Give me any job you need me to as long as I get my free drinks and I get paid."
"Slipping behind on the bills?"
I downed another shot feeling my stomach immediately protest. "I've always been behind, but I can't lose the damn house. I spend money on Danielle, alcohol, drugs, Danielle again, and food."
"What about child support?"
"Yeah right. You think Bob will help me out with Danielle? He doesn't even care that she's alive, he ignores the fact that she's his. I didn't impregnate myself, and yet he went around bragging to everyone that he stole my virginity. And he still brings it up around Soda. He's a cunt who only cares about himself."
"Well, everyone knows he's a cunt and you still-"
"I was drunk okay? I was drunk and he took advantage of me. That's all there's to it, and once that happened I thought we had something special. I was young and naive."
Buck looked at me, and sympathetically poured me another shot. "Why do you come here? Y'know Dim-Wit has a bar in his new restaurant."
"You said it right there. Restaurant, that involves eating. I know someone there is going to force me to eat, and I don't want to be in the same room as Jelly. I can't even stand being in the same fucking town as her."
"Well, when was the last time you ate?"
"Does binging count as eating?"
"Uhm sure."
"Then a couple of hours before I came here, but I threw it up. The last time I probably ate was at the clinic or something."
"That ain't good. How much do you weigh now?"
"What's with all of the fucking questions? If you must know I weigh 84."
The number 84 brought a smile on to my face. Losing baby weight is not easy, so I'm pretty proud of myself to reach 84. Well, technically once I lost the weight I was at 77, but I was forced to gain weight at the clinic. But I'm still pretty content with weighing 84 pounds, the more bones visible on your body makes you feel more beautiful. Bold collar bones and bulging rib cages are so lovely to me in this twisted world I seem to live in.
Buck scoffed, and eyed me. "Well, since you're working for me now, you start tomorrow and you better tell me all of the shit that's bothering you."
"I had no fucking clue, you were also a therapist!"
Buck walked away to go flirt with his girlfriend and I sat there. Just staring at that little shot glass in front of me. I already felt my vision getting hazy, but the more I drink means the less nightmares I get to experience. I walked behind the counter nearly losing my balance, and grabbed the bottle of tequila. I poured myself another shot quickly downing all of my sorrows. I lazily reached for the small bag of LSD inside my pocket, and put a small tablet on my mouth immediately feeling the side effects kicking in. After more shots and the grippy side effects of the drug, my knees finally gave out and I laid down on the grimy floor spending the rest of the night there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Mommy, aren't you going to eat with me?" Danielle asked, staring me down at the table.
I looked up at her innocent blue eyes, and her curious face that is a spitting image of me when I was younger, and I felt my heart shattering into millions of shards at her simple words.
"Mommy already ate, Princess. How about you hurry up so mommy can go to work?" I said, clearly lying to my own daughter. My own flesh and blood, who's my biggest fan.
"I want to be with you, though."
"Don't worry. Once mommy gets out of school on Friday we'll take you to the park with Aunty Evie and Colton. But right now mommy has to finish studying and go to work."
Danielle pouted and quickly finished up her dinner. I did my usual routine of washing the dishes and spending time with her before I had to walk out the door and drop her off at Evie's. I stared at the small package of PSP trying not to take one. I bit my lip, knowing what happened to Blair and her drug issues and her kids at least have Dally. If I happen to de of a drug overdose or anything stupid or reckless, Danielle will have no one and she's all that I really care about in life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walked up to the bar counter with no Buck in sight. I sighed and pulled out my calculus textbook from my bag, and started studying for my final.
"Studying on the job?"
"Hey, you weren't here."
"Take those glasses off and put on something pretty. You have tables to serve."
I rolled my eyes, and took off my glasses and put them away. I hid my textbook underneath the counter in case I had extra time in between or on my break or whatever. I walked to the bathroom with my outfit in hand, just keeping Danielle in mind because this is all for her. Being a greaser isn't easy to begin with, you're poor as fuck and when you have a kid you realize how much money you possibly need to raise one.
I walked out of the stall in a trashy outfit knowing I'll gain more tips. I cautiously lifted my shirt up examining my shrinking stomach. The whole outline of my rib cage is very much visible, and to keep this weight I've been back to my bulimic ways, but somewhere deep inside my head is telling me to lose more. Lose, lose, lose. Quit eating for good, and then every single bone in my body will be visible and I'll look absolutely lovely for once.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I groaned as Buck handed me another serving tray full of shots. It's easy to drink alcohol, but when you have to serve and not drink any, that's the hard part. I teetered over to the rowdy table setting the shots down, and greedily accepted the $40 tip they all graciously handed me.
When the night was over and the tables were semi-empty, I sat down counting up all of my tips and kicking off my high heels. I rubbed my feet and laid down across the table. Buck walked over to me and stared at me with those dark eyes of his.
"Do you want to talk about your problems now?"
"I don't have any fucking problems."
"Yeah ri-"
"Can we please talk about this another time?"
Buck nodded and wiped off all of the counters. I stole the bottle of vodka behind the counter and started gulping the burning liquid down. I wiped my mouth, and everything started becoming slightly blurry.
All I remember is having yet another one night stand with some guy who called me "Mandy" the whole night. When I was pregnant I thought I have reached rock bottom, but I'm plummeting below rock bottom. I'm so far below I can't get out of this mess. The same routine has been driving me insane and I can't help but slowly start listening to that voice inside of my head that keeps on whispering for me to just "lose, lose, lose." I don't know what the fuck it may be, but it could just be the alcohol talking.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Friday, December 23, 2011
Forcing Smiles, Faking Laughter.
I remember being that perfect high school cheerleader that everyone envied. It seems like one day you're perfectly fine, then the next you just snap. The first time I snapped seems like ages ago, but the horrific memory is still burned into my brain, and it caused an ugly illness, addiction, etc. If I had a time machine I would go back and convince myself I'm beautiful, but why would I lie? I convince people I'm perfectly fine, no one believed me. People thought I would get better once I got pregnant for the first time, but it just got worse. I put on that plaster smile to convince everyone that I'm sane, but at the end of the day I find myself putting Danielle to bed, binging and not even caring what goes into my body. Then, purging until there's nothing left in me then wash it down with some Tequila Blanco to get the acid taste out of my mouth. I pop some LSD in, Ectasy, a few strange perscriptions, a few joints before bed and then pass out. But, no worries I eventually wake up a few hours sometimes even minutes later dripping in sweat as pale as a ghost traumatized from the endless nightmares. I curl up in bed, but the "dark cloud" has taken over my life. There's countless nights of me screaming from the nightmares, and Danielle running into my bed comforting me. I'm sick and tired of being in a deep dark depression, I want to "cure" myself from that. But, when it comes to my eating disorder there are times where I don't want to stop, there's that voice in the back of my head telling me to keep losing weight until there's nothing else to lose. Maybe that's why I'm now trapped in a rehab with Kitty.
"You're late." "I don't give a fuck." "Why are you so tardy Miss. Davis?" "I had to drop Danielle off at Evie's. Visit the high school and say I'm still not returning just yet, I had to say goodbye to Danielle. And, I just didn't really want to let go of her when I said goodbye." "You'll be back in no time." "When? Huh? Tell me. When, will I come home?" Kitty shrugged her shoulders and faked a phone call. I groaned placing my head in my hands. "Cheer up, old' chap." I tapped my foot nervously, until they called us up. They made us hand our cellphones, razors, pens, pencils, anything sharp and no communication or technology whatsoever. I rolled my eyes, "It'll be good for us." I mocked her, until I found her towering over me to get me to shut the hell up. We got our bags and followed the nurse into our room, the moment I walked into this shit hole I knew it would not be pretty. We reached our new "home" as you might as well call it. A small room with no windows, bright yellow walls, two twin size beds with railings on the sides as if they were cribs. I took a deep breath trying to keep myself from screaming, but then I'll be locked here even longer because everyone will think that I'm a lunatic. Not that I'm not already one, I sat down on one of the beds and bit my lip looking for a window to look out of. "I will be right back with clothes for you guys." "We already have clothes-" "You have to be granted to wear them, so until you have permission you have to wear the hospital clothing." The nurse walked out of the room and I punched the wall leaving the slightest indent in the plaster wall. Kitty stared at her feet, not making any eye contact with me. The nurse came back with flannel bright yellow and orange pajamas. This will be a long time.
"KitKat? Sandra? It's time for lunch." "I'm not-" "Now." We made our way to the cafeteria, and sat down at the table. "We already had breakfast AND a snack. Now lunch?" I stared at my unappetizing plate of "food". "I need to see Danielle." "You just got here." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." The rest of the meal was silent nothing, but the sounds of our forks moving food around on our plates making look like we ate somewhat. When they led us back to our room there was honestly nothing for us to do except to nap. Kitty fell asleep, and for 2 hours I stared at the bright yellow walls thinking of a plan to escape. I dug through my duffle bag and pulled out a picture of Danielle and I. It was from her princess themed third birthday party. Yet, another event I put on a brace face for the sake of Danielle. There are times I often wonder what my life would be like if I never cheated on Soda, never gotten pregnant, Danielle wouldn't even exist. I would still be that "innocent" sweet troubled girl everyone made me out to be. I put the picture on my night stand. I got another picture out, and it was of the gang no more than 5 years ago. When everything was simple and we still had our youth. From the picture I looked no more than 15. It looked like right after my "troubled" phase and Jelly and I were grinning back to back. Soda had Kitty on his shoulders and Kitty looked about 13 or 14. I miss my youth the carefree times of not giving a damn about anything. My youth stopped the moment I got pregnant, I took another glance at the picture it was about 2 or 3 weeks before Jelly and Soda's breakup. The breakup that clued me in on his feelings for me, and the breakup that ruined a friendship. I put the picture down and stared at the ceiling. I shut my eyes and counted to 3 hoping that I could wake up and I'll be in my own bed. 1, 2, 3. Nothing, nada, rien, nichts. I put my head in my pillow and let out a muffled scream. I spent the rest of our free time sobbing quietly clutching the picture of Danielle to my chest.
"How did therapy go?" "Fine, how 'bout you?" Kitty smiled at me "Did she ask you about how you started?" I nodded and let out a defeated sigh, "I told her everything." "So do me just one favor." "Yeah?" "Can you please tell me? I'll tell you mine." I inhaled and nervously chewed on a piece of blonde hair, "I'm tired. Maybe some other time, I promise." I crawled into bed. Later that night, I found myself screaming into my pillow having the same reoccurring nightmare. Kitty was alarmed, and I found her wrapping her arms around me in a nurturing way. How I usually comfort Danielle when she falls or sees something scary. "Shh, it's okay. It was jut a dream." Yeah the dream I'm unfortunately living. "Sandy, please you need to talk about it." I gulped and told her my fucked up problem leaving her wide eyed and with her jaw open.
"You're late." "I don't give a fuck." "Why are you so tardy Miss. Davis?" "I had to drop Danielle off at Evie's. Visit the high school and say I'm still not returning just yet, I had to say goodbye to Danielle. And, I just didn't really want to let go of her when I said goodbye." "You'll be back in no time." "When? Huh? Tell me. When, will I come home?" Kitty shrugged her shoulders and faked a phone call. I groaned placing my head in my hands. "Cheer up, old' chap." I tapped my foot nervously, until they called us up. They made us hand our cellphones, razors, pens, pencils, anything sharp and no communication or technology whatsoever. I rolled my eyes, "It'll be good for us." I mocked her, until I found her towering over me to get me to shut the hell up. We got our bags and followed the nurse into our room, the moment I walked into this shit hole I knew it would not be pretty. We reached our new "home" as you might as well call it. A small room with no windows, bright yellow walls, two twin size beds with railings on the sides as if they were cribs. I took a deep breath trying to keep myself from screaming, but then I'll be locked here even longer because everyone will think that I'm a lunatic. Not that I'm not already one, I sat down on one of the beds and bit my lip looking for a window to look out of. "I will be right back with clothes for you guys." "We already have clothes-" "You have to be granted to wear them, so until you have permission you have to wear the hospital clothing." The nurse walked out of the room and I punched the wall leaving the slightest indent in the plaster wall. Kitty stared at her feet, not making any eye contact with me. The nurse came back with flannel bright yellow and orange pajamas. This will be a long time.
"KitKat? Sandra? It's time for lunch." "I'm not-" "Now." We made our way to the cafeteria, and sat down at the table. "We already had breakfast AND a snack. Now lunch?" I stared at my unappetizing plate of "food". "I need to see Danielle." "You just got here." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." The rest of the meal was silent nothing, but the sounds of our forks moving food around on our plates making look like we ate somewhat. When they led us back to our room there was honestly nothing for us to do except to nap. Kitty fell asleep, and for 2 hours I stared at the bright yellow walls thinking of a plan to escape. I dug through my duffle bag and pulled out a picture of Danielle and I. It was from her princess themed third birthday party. Yet, another event I put on a brace face for the sake of Danielle. There are times I often wonder what my life would be like if I never cheated on Soda, never gotten pregnant, Danielle wouldn't even exist. I would still be that "innocent" sweet troubled girl everyone made me out to be. I put the picture on my night stand. I got another picture out, and it was of the gang no more than 5 years ago. When everything was simple and we still had our youth. From the picture I looked no more than 15. It looked like right after my "troubled" phase and Jelly and I were grinning back to back. Soda had Kitty on his shoulders and Kitty looked about 13 or 14. I miss my youth the carefree times of not giving a damn about anything. My youth stopped the moment I got pregnant, I took another glance at the picture it was about 2 or 3 weeks before Jelly and Soda's breakup. The breakup that clued me in on his feelings for me, and the breakup that ruined a friendship. I put the picture down and stared at the ceiling. I shut my eyes and counted to 3 hoping that I could wake up and I'll be in my own bed. 1, 2, 3. Nothing, nada, rien, nichts. I put my head in my pillow and let out a muffled scream. I spent the rest of our free time sobbing quietly clutching the picture of Danielle to my chest.
"How did therapy go?" "Fine, how 'bout you?" Kitty smiled at me "Did she ask you about how you started?" I nodded and let out a defeated sigh, "I told her everything." "So do me just one favor." "Yeah?" "Can you please tell me? I'll tell you mine." I inhaled and nervously chewed on a piece of blonde hair, "I'm tired. Maybe some other time, I promise." I crawled into bed. Later that night, I found myself screaming into my pillow having the same reoccurring nightmare. Kitty was alarmed, and I found her wrapping her arms around me in a nurturing way. How I usually comfort Danielle when she falls or sees something scary. "Shh, it's okay. It was jut a dream." Yeah the dream I'm unfortunately living. "Sandy, please you need to talk about it." I gulped and told her my fucked up problem leaving her wide eyed and with her jaw open.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Sell Me Out I'm Yesterday's Old News.
They say the awkward moments in life are the best moments. The moments where you fight, cry, laugh, or just all of the above. The moments where you want to tare your opponent to shreds or just cry on his or her shoulder. The whole world knows perfection doesn't exist, truth is why do we still want to achieve perfection?
"Why didn't you tell me you ran away?! I thought you died or some shit, I was ready to put missing posters up throughout Tulsa." Kitty screamed as I took my ear away from the receiver. I sighed putting the last of my bags down. "I was going to tell you-" "WHEN?!" I glanced at the small pills of Ecstasy in my hand. "Whenever I felt like." I swallowed the handful,downing it with water. "No normal person just ditches town whenever they fucking feel like it. You don't just go, hey this town sucks let's leave and don't tell anyone!" Kitty yelled. My blue eyes softened, "Kitty," I began. "Sorry." She mumbled realizing about my "situation" and the time before that with Danielle. I sat down on a chair cupping my face in my hands. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. And what happened.. I couldn't take it anymore, so I went on the first nonstop flight to Miami with Danielle. I left everything hoping it will be better when I come back, but my main objective was to wakeup from this nightmare I'm living. So I guess I broke up with Sam unofficially because I mailed him back his ring. But in Florida with my grandmother was a fucking nightmare. I forgot how much I really resented her, so now I'm here. Caught up enough?" I sighed. The line was still and I wiped the stray tears sitting on
my eyelashes. "Yeah, I guess. But you should have told someone you were leaving for a bit." "Mhm, sure." My stomach growled and I immediately placed my hand on it, you want to believe that you're still carrying but you can't. "I get it. So how about you come over here today?" Kitty said lifting her voice up. "I don't have a sitter for Danielle." "Call Evie." I groaned
in defeat, "Fine." The line went dead and I went to the bathroom and slammed the door.
"Wow... You look... Never mind." Kitty said eyeing my apparel. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't slept much lately." "And why is that?" "Nightmares." Her look softened, I could tell she was feeling somewhat sympathy for me. "Uhm you hungry?" "I just ate." I sat down and felt my eyes slowly closing. But, I somehow managed to feel the death stare of Mrs. KitKat Curtis-Matthews. "Cut the bullshit already." "I don't know-" "I thought you got over it." Kitty said cutting me off mid sentence. I was silent, and dropped my hands in defeat. I didn't say a word and hoped for the best. "You told me you will stop." "You said you will too." "And you really believed me?" Kitty scoffed. "I could say the same to you." "I have a tendency to lie and forget Ms. Davis." I raised an eyebrow trying to think of something to say, so I decided to say the truth. "It's an addiction I can't just promise to stop." "You look unhealthy." She simply said. "So do you." "You were carrying twins and you barely have any baby weight left." "It doesn't matter to you." Kitty dragged me and made me look in a mirror. "Do you think you look
good?" I broke down in tears and just lost it. I put my head between my knees and my sobs grew louder. I had to get her to stop making me talk about my "problem". "What about you? You're
not perfect either, and... And you're just jealous that I can get pregnant and you can't." I shouted at her between sobs. I felt like a huge jackass, infertility is one of the consequences of Bulimia that I fortunately haven't endured... Yet. Infertility does something to you that you just can't explain, I wiped my tears off my hollow face. I looked up at Kitty
and her fists were clenched. Her breathing got heavy and she stood there motionless, "Kitty," I began attempting to apologize. "At least I'm not a no good slut who is still in love with
her ex boyfriend who's married, at least I didn't get pregnant 2 times and I'm still a teenager. You avoid problems and... You can't stick to one relationship without fucking cheating." My sobs turned into gasps for air, I saw Kitty's intimidating height tower over my 5"1 frame. She collapsed next to me, "Fighting is getting us nowhere." Kitty said staring at me. "No duh." "I think you're depressed and I'm not saying this because I'm pissed of at you. I'm saying this as one of your best friends, you need help. Go see a psychiatrist they have
places or something you can check yourself into a facility." "I'm not seeing anyone or going to a fucking institution for that matter. I'm perfectly fine, I could stop whenever I want
to." "Sandy it's getting out of control." "I know I'm fucked up, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Bulimia is mental, and... I have it under control." Kitty sighed putting her head back against the wall. "We keep on talking about my problem, and I know you're not alright. Tell me, about whatever is bothering you. Just let it all out you know I won't judge you." I told her.
"Why didn't you tell me you ran away?! I thought you died or some shit, I was ready to put missing posters up throughout Tulsa." Kitty screamed as I took my ear away from the receiver. I sighed putting the last of my bags down. "I was going to tell you-" "WHEN?!" I glanced at the small pills of Ecstasy in my hand. "Whenever I felt like." I swallowed the handful,downing it with water. "No normal person just ditches town whenever they fucking feel like it. You don't just go, hey this town sucks let's leave and don't tell anyone!" Kitty yelled. My blue eyes softened, "Kitty," I began. "Sorry." She mumbled realizing about my "situation" and the time before that with Danielle. I sat down on a chair cupping my face in my hands. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. And what happened.. I couldn't take it anymore, so I went on the first nonstop flight to Miami with Danielle. I left everything hoping it will be better when I come back, but my main objective was to wakeup from this nightmare I'm living. So I guess I broke up with Sam unofficially because I mailed him back his ring. But in Florida with my grandmother was a fucking nightmare. I forgot how much I really resented her, so now I'm here. Caught up enough?" I sighed. The line was still and I wiped the stray tears sitting on
my eyelashes. "Yeah, I guess. But you should have told someone you were leaving for a bit." "Mhm, sure." My stomach growled and I immediately placed my hand on it, you want to believe that you're still carrying but you can't. "I get it. So how about you come over here today?" Kitty said lifting her voice up. "I don't have a sitter for Danielle." "Call Evie." I groaned
in defeat, "Fine." The line went dead and I went to the bathroom and slammed the door.
"Wow... You look... Never mind." Kitty said eyeing my apparel. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't slept much lately." "And why is that?" "Nightmares." Her look softened, I could tell she was feeling somewhat sympathy for me. "Uhm you hungry?" "I just ate." I sat down and felt my eyes slowly closing. But, I somehow managed to feel the death stare of Mrs. KitKat Curtis-Matthews. "Cut the bullshit already." "I don't know-" "I thought you got over it." Kitty said cutting me off mid sentence. I was silent, and dropped my hands in defeat. I didn't say a word and hoped for the best. "You told me you will stop." "You said you will too." "And you really believed me?" Kitty scoffed. "I could say the same to you." "I have a tendency to lie and forget Ms. Davis." I raised an eyebrow trying to think of something to say, so I decided to say the truth. "It's an addiction I can't just promise to stop." "You look unhealthy." She simply said. "So do you." "You were carrying twins and you barely have any baby weight left." "It doesn't matter to you." Kitty dragged me and made me look in a mirror. "Do you think you look
good?" I broke down in tears and just lost it. I put my head between my knees and my sobs grew louder. I had to get her to stop making me talk about my "problem". "What about you? You're
not perfect either, and... And you're just jealous that I can get pregnant and you can't." I shouted at her between sobs. I felt like a huge jackass, infertility is one of the consequences of Bulimia that I fortunately haven't endured... Yet. Infertility does something to you that you just can't explain, I wiped my tears off my hollow face. I looked up at Kitty
and her fists were clenched. Her breathing got heavy and she stood there motionless, "Kitty," I began attempting to apologize. "At least I'm not a no good slut who is still in love with
her ex boyfriend who's married, at least I didn't get pregnant 2 times and I'm still a teenager. You avoid problems and... You can't stick to one relationship without fucking cheating." My sobs turned into gasps for air, I saw Kitty's intimidating height tower over my 5"1 frame. She collapsed next to me, "Fighting is getting us nowhere." Kitty said staring at me. "No duh." "I think you're depressed and I'm not saying this because I'm pissed of at you. I'm saying this as one of your best friends, you need help. Go see a psychiatrist they have
places or something you can check yourself into a facility." "I'm not seeing anyone or going to a fucking institution for that matter. I'm perfectly fine, I could stop whenever I want
to." "Sandy it's getting out of control." "I know I'm fucked up, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Bulimia is mental, and... I have it under control." Kitty sighed putting her head back against the wall. "We keep on talking about my problem, and I know you're not alright. Tell me, about whatever is bothering you. Just let it all out you know I won't judge you." I told her.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Life Sucks And Then You Die.
I remember the day I found out I was pregnant for my 2nd time. The inner pain of the fear of weight gain, my outer pain of being scared and alone once again, and the strange deja vu of who's the father? You learn to suck it up and take responsibility for your careless mistake. The past 9 months weren't exactly easy but that bullshit line of "Everything happens for a reason," might be true but who knows? 9 months of a bond with the identical twin girls, the emotional breakdowns, the 3 AM food runs well making Kitty go on my food runs, and the best thing about being pregnant was that strange feeling that even at your lowest you're not alone because you still have that baby or babies that are all yours. This pregnancy was complicated but I had to put on a brave face. Sam was supportive and Danielle was excited for their arrival but they wouldn't even be in my life. I was reluctant about starting school 8 months pregnant; the looks and the hushed whispers from people in the hallway. I learned to enjoy a school life that didn't revolve around cheerleading but in my heart I still yern for that feeling of acceptance whenever you wear that polyester uniform around school. You have to learn to put on a brave face and suck it up.
It started out like any other day; Danielle whining to be picked up, making breakfast for the 3 of us, talking about the babies with Sam, and getting all my shit together for school. Only one thing was different than all the other days, I woke up with sharp pains in my sides. I convinced myself it was false labor pains or I was going into false labor once again. I left the apartment with an annoyed attitude just hoping to make it through the day. Then it happened. It happened so quickly you can't do anything to stop it. It happened 3rd period English class with no other than Mr. Syme who's so fond of us Greasers. When he asked "Why did Juliet die after she fond Romeo dead?" I clutched my stomach in pain as I felt yet another contraction, then the calls of immature, uneducated Socs in disgust screaming "Gross Sandy are you peeing?" My face paled and I knew everything was over for sure. Mr. Syme had to call an ambulence to rush me to the E.R. 12 hours of lovely contractions I was sent into the E.R for an emergency C section. I later awoke exahusted just wanting to see my daughters who in days would be snatched from my life. I saw Sam holding a beautiful small bundle, her blonde hair was matted on her head. But I took a closer look and saw his tear streaked face,
"Where's the other one?" I finally asked cocking a blonde eyebrow.
Sam looked down at the baby and looked up at me, "Sophia died. When.... she came out dead." Sam said crying holding a sleeping Beth.
It was like one of those moments you see in movies where you can't here your surroundings and all you hear is the pounding of your heart. I wanted to scream or cry but I did both. The emotions I bottled up for 8 years exploded like that. And, the girl everyone once knew is dead just like her daughter.
I sat in the hospital bed curled up sobbing. Only Beth surrived and poor Sophia's dead. More tears rolled down my cheek, why me? Few people came in and out to check up on me but everyone's main concern is Dally and his attempted suicide. The lights flickered on and my blue eyes fumed with anger and pain. "Turn them off!" I yelled not wanting everyone to see that I've been in the same place for 3 days now with the same tears that keep on rolling down my pale cheeks. I pulled the sheets over my head shaking with anger not wanting anyone to see me like this. Kitty checked up on me once every day to tell me everything's going to be alright. Then she told me the latest with the whole Blair/Dally situation. I looked up and saw Sam. Without words he just climbed into bed with me, he held me and cried. He completely lost it. Sam kissed my forehead and wiped his face getting out of bed. Dr. Winston came in saying that I was being released. Then Molly and Brad came in holding Beth, I held Beth and kissed her not seeing my baby again. Then they took a quick picture of Beth and I, then one of the 4 of us Sam, Danielle, Beth, and I. On that note they left and so did I.
"I'll take Danielle back to the apartment, meet you there?" Sam asked me with his hands jammed in his pockets.
I shook my head, "I'll take her."
He nodded and left shaking his blonde hair out of his eyes. I watched his black Mercedes drive away and Danielle pointing repeating "Daddy?" I ran to my car and drove to where I go when the going gets tough. I drove to the airport and booked a nonstop flight to Miami. Nothing with me except a confused 3 year old I boarded the plane. 3 hours later we were finally at our destination I picked Danielle up and waited for my grandma to pick us up when I frantically called her on the way to the airport. I saw my grandma smiling in front of the airport, she smiled and simply said "Welcome back to Florida Sandra."
:/ Sandy
It started out like any other day; Danielle whining to be picked up, making breakfast for the 3 of us, talking about the babies with Sam, and getting all my shit together for school. Only one thing was different than all the other days, I woke up with sharp pains in my sides. I convinced myself it was false labor pains or I was going into false labor once again. I left the apartment with an annoyed attitude just hoping to make it through the day. Then it happened. It happened so quickly you can't do anything to stop it. It happened 3rd period English class with no other than Mr. Syme who's so fond of us Greasers. When he asked "Why did Juliet die after she fond Romeo dead?" I clutched my stomach in pain as I felt yet another contraction, then the calls of immature, uneducated Socs in disgust screaming "Gross Sandy are you peeing?" My face paled and I knew everything was over for sure. Mr. Syme had to call an ambulence to rush me to the E.R. 12 hours of lovely contractions I was sent into the E.R for an emergency C section. I later awoke exahusted just wanting to see my daughters who in days would be snatched from my life. I saw Sam holding a beautiful small bundle, her blonde hair was matted on her head. But I took a closer look and saw his tear streaked face,
"Where's the other one?" I finally asked cocking a blonde eyebrow.
Sam looked down at the baby and looked up at me, "Sophia died. When.... she came out dead." Sam said crying holding a sleeping Beth.
It was like one of those moments you see in movies where you can't here your surroundings and all you hear is the pounding of your heart. I wanted to scream or cry but I did both. The emotions I bottled up for 8 years exploded like that. And, the girl everyone once knew is dead just like her daughter.
I sat in the hospital bed curled up sobbing. Only Beth surrived and poor Sophia's dead. More tears rolled down my cheek, why me? Few people came in and out to check up on me but everyone's main concern is Dally and his attempted suicide. The lights flickered on and my blue eyes fumed with anger and pain. "Turn them off!" I yelled not wanting everyone to see that I've been in the same place for 3 days now with the same tears that keep on rolling down my pale cheeks. I pulled the sheets over my head shaking with anger not wanting anyone to see me like this. Kitty checked up on me once every day to tell me everything's going to be alright. Then she told me the latest with the whole Blair/Dally situation. I looked up and saw Sam. Without words he just climbed into bed with me, he held me and cried. He completely lost it. Sam kissed my forehead and wiped his face getting out of bed. Dr. Winston came in saying that I was being released. Then Molly and Brad came in holding Beth, I held Beth and kissed her not seeing my baby again. Then they took a quick picture of Beth and I, then one of the 4 of us Sam, Danielle, Beth, and I. On that note they left and so did I.
"I'll take Danielle back to the apartment, meet you there?" Sam asked me with his hands jammed in his pockets.
I shook my head, "I'll take her."
He nodded and left shaking his blonde hair out of his eyes. I watched his black Mercedes drive away and Danielle pointing repeating "Daddy?" I ran to my car and drove to where I go when the going gets tough. I drove to the airport and booked a nonstop flight to Miami. Nothing with me except a confused 3 year old I boarded the plane. 3 hours later we were finally at our destination I picked Danielle up and waited for my grandma to pick us up when I frantically called her on the way to the airport. I saw my grandma smiling in front of the airport, she smiled and simply said "Welcome back to Florida Sandra."
:/ Sandy
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Why Am I So Fucked Up?
Mike's hand crept his way up my shirt.
Me: Stop I told you.
Mike: Aww but you look so sexy.
Me: Do you see my tramp stamp? It's all about the teasing and not about the pleasing.
Mike frowned and got out of bed. As I fixed my shorts my phone blasted the Lazy Song my voicemail song. I got my password and I listened to my voicemail.
Molly: Hi this is Molly Hartgers and I saw in Tulsa Adoption Agency you're interested in having an open adoption. And you're pregnant with twin girls. Me and my husband Brad will love for you and whoever to come over it's 224 River Side Road. It's on the south side. So please call me back as soon as possible.
My face froze I didn't know it would happen this soon. Mike and I are already choosing names that we both like. It's just too soon. Mike was already out of the room. I nervously dialed the number.
Molly: Hello?
Me: Hi I'm Sandy Davis you uhm called me before.
Molly: Oh yes I did hi.
Me: Hi.
Molly: I would love to talk to you I don't know if you have other couples to interview but can you please come over today?
Me: Yeah sure.
Molly: Do you want to bring a boyfriend if you have one?
Me: Yeah I'll bring my fiancee Mike and I'm going to have to bring my daughter.
Molly: I thought you would bring your daughter like every where you go.
Me: Uhm no I already have a 2 year old daughter.
Molly: And how old are you?
Me: I just turned 19 last month.
Molly: Oh wow you're young.
Me: Yeah I guess but today will be perfect.
Molly: What time is convient for you?
Me: I guess in half an hour.
Molly: Great we'll see you then.
Mike came in the room finishing off his 3rd poptart.
Mike: Who was on the phone?
Me: Someone interested in adopting the twins.
Mike: I think we should name them before we give them away.
Me: Yeah I would want to too. We still have to decide on names though.
Mike: Come on Regan is such a good name.
Me: I told you I'll think about it.
Mike: Come on.
I kissed him to shut him up.
Mike: You hungry?
Me: Starving I had the weirdest craving last night so I had to do it myself that's upsetting.
Mike: What was it?
Me: Pretzel M&M's wrapped in bacon.
Mike: That is pretty weird.
Me: Yeah but I'm gonna eat.
I skipped downstairs and ate 6 S'mores Poptarts. There's 2 in each package so techinically I had 12. :/ Mike was sitting in a towel and I ignored my hormones and got in the shower. Mike was dressed when I got out. I put on a black pencil skirt with a white silk tanktop. I put on white slingbacks and put in pearl studs with a pearl necklace. I did my makeup then put in my black Chanel headband. I gotta look presentable. I went to see Danielle. She wasn't in her bed. My heart was beating so fast. I looked in the downstairs bathroom and there was Lexie in her string bikini with Danielle. Danielle waved at me. I laughed then did finished my makeup. I looked in the mirror to make sure I looked presentable. That outfit really focused on my baby bump. Lexie brought Danielle up to me. I looked at Danielle. Her naturally straight hair had a velvet headband. She had on her favorite shirt: a pink bedazzled shirt that says Mommy's Princess. Then she had on a light blue skirt with baby blue sneakers. Mike had on a collared shirt and khaki's. I picked Danielle up and brought her to the car. We drove off. I put on Pretending the new Glee song xD.
Mike: I know you're nervous and might have second thoughts about giving them away.
I raised the volume higher.
Mike turned it off.
I lost it.
Me: Okay! I'm scared shitless. I don't know if I want to give them up I do then don't. I'll only see their shining faces occasionally. I don't want to be like the normal teen whore. Who gives up their kid then doesn't give a fuck after then continues on with their life.
I sniffled.
Mike: Hey listen it's gonna be okay we'll see them.
Me: And I'm getting fatter look at this.
I pulled up my shirt.
Mike: It's called being pregnant.
He put his hand on it.
Mike: You feel that I feel one of their heads.
I didn't believe him and put my hand on it.
Me: It is.
Mike: It's gonna be okay.
Me: I decided one of them is going to be Regan.
Mike: What about the middle name?
Me: Well Kitty wants her name to be somehow involved so her middle name will be Sarah.
Mike: What about the other one?
Me: I like Blake and Bailey.
Mike: Yeah.
Mike pulled up to the house. It was legit the biggest house I've ever seen even bigger than Nicole's.
Me: That's a pretty big house.
Mike: You could say that again.
I got sleeping Danielle out of the car. And balanced her on my hip.
A redish girl answered the door. She has a perfect complexion, to die for wardrobe, and not an ounce of fat on her.
Me: Are you Molly?
Molly: Yes come in. Brad they're here!
I walked in Mike's hand was still wrapped around mine. A man walked in.
Brad: Hi I'm Brad.
Me: Sandy this is my fiance Mike and my daughter Danielle.
Brad: Nice to meet you all.
He smiled and Molly led us to the coach.
Molly folded her hands. Danielle was asleep on my lap. Mike had his arm around me.
Me: So why did you bring us here today?
Molly: We're interested in having an open adoption with you.
Mike: Not to be rude or anything but why can't you have kids on your own.
I slapped Mike.
Molly: We had trouble.... concieving. I suffered 3 miscarriages. So we went to a doctor and learned that I am physically unable to concieve children. I've always wanted to. We want to. But it just broke our hearts. It's the one thing we both wanted. Some people can have kids without trying. And I'm so jealous of them.
I shifted in my seat.
Me: That's horrible to hear.
Molly: Yeah. So can we hear a little about you?
Me: Sure. I just turned 19 last month. I have Danielle here she is 2. I was the captain of the varsity cheerleading team, and varsity dance team. I dropped out of highschool to raise Danielle. I had full paid scholarships for cheerleading and dance but I didn't accept because of Danielle. I was born and raised in Tulsa. I moved to Florida for 2 years with my grandparents because my parents weren't exactally fond of having a pregnant daughter. And my ex Sodapop wanted us to get married and they perfered me moving to Florida then getting married at 16.
Molly: I thought you were 17 when you had her.
Me: No. I got pregnant with her in June then I had her in January before I turned 17.
Molly: Oh wow.
Me: Yeah. Oh yeah here are ultrasounds of them if you want.
Molly held the ultrasound and started tearing up.
Brad: Do you know who you want to be the parents?
Me: Most defintally you guys. But we have one condition.
Molly: What money?
Me: Uhm no I want to name them since they are technically mine.
Molly: Sure what names do you have in mind?
Me: Regan.
Molly: Sure.
Me: Okay.
Molly: When are they due?
Me: November 9th.
Molly: How has your pregnancy been so far?
Me: One of them is laying weird but the doctor said it's perfectally normal and it's actually good because they aren't laying on top of each other. I've been getting really weird cravings, my feet are so swollen, I have the worst back pain, the worst mood swings, and I'm really big for 16 weeks.
Molly: Well we'll be here for you no matter what.
Me: Wow thanks.
Molly: No problem.
Danielle was starting to wake up in my lap. She smiled at Mike and reached out for him. Molly smiled at Danielle.
Molly: Can I hold her?
Me: Uhm sure.
She held Danielle as the look on Danielle's face simply said who the fuck is this nut job?! Danielle didn't complain she liked the attention.
Me: Is there any deals you guys want to make?
Molly: We want to go to all of the doctor appointments.
Me: Sure. Is that it?
Molly: Yeah.
Me: I should get going sorry it was nice meeting you two.
I got Danielle and Mike held my free hand as we walked to the car. Mike started driving.
Mike: What do you think of her as potential parents?
Me: I think they are going to have a pretty good life all they ever wanted was a child of their own. Now they get two blonde little girls.
Mike: How do you know they're going to be blonde? Soda has brown hair.
Me: I just know they're going to be blonde. Can we go back home I want to change.
Mike: Sure.
I pranced in the house and got changed into a light blue sundress. I looked in the mirror and I completly lost it. I lifted up my dress and looked at my baby bump.
I was crying hysterically and couldn't get a hold of myself. Mike came running up.
Mike: What's wrong?
Me: I'm fat! I keep on getting bigger and bigger. And after that I don't know if I want to give them up. They will grow up as Soc's and think their mom is a no good low class whore. I can't live like this.
Mike held me as I cried.
Me: And I'm ugly my babies will be ugly.
Mike: You're beautiful and they will be.
I cried harder. After 20 minutes of Mike consoling me I felt a sharp pain in my back. I know this pain. It's not I'm too fat pain it's oh shit it's coming pain. I screamed as another one came.
Mike: What's wrong?
I couldn't breath.
Me: I'm having a fuckin contraction.
Mike: You're having them this early?
Me: I can't! They'll die right away their lungs aren't developed yet.
Then another one came.
Mike: We have to do something.
Me: Yeah like what?
Another one came it hurt so bad.
Me: Call Mark and tell him to come over here now.
He dialed Mark and explained the whole thing. As we waited for Mark to come over tears were spilling down my cheeks from the unbearable pain. Mark came to my room breathless.
Mark: What happened?
Me: I started getting contractions.
Mark: You're only 17 weeks pregnant.
Me: No shit sherlock.
Mark: We have to go to the hospital. Did your water break?
Me: No.
Mark: Okay that means they're not coming but something is defintally up.
He helped me up. Another one came.
Me: I want mom.
Mark didn't look at me. He knows when I'm in so much pain I always ask for mom.
Mark: She's not around anymore.
Me: I need drugs to stop the pain then.
Mark: Sandy you're not giving birth for another 5 months. You can't have drugs.
He helped me in the car. As Mike nervously stayed at the house looking after Danielle. Mark sped to the hospital as I squeezed his free hand. Mark parked and we quickly got into the hospital. He talked to his other doctors and he got me a room. They ran blood tests and urine tests. Mark came in and the contractions had stopped by then.
Me: What's wrong with me?
Mark: You were having braxton hick's contractions.
Me: And you think I know what the fuck that means?
Mark: It pretty much means your uterus is preparing to have the babies. It's flexing and it's painful as you just experienced. But they don't last very long. You should get them occasionally because your body isn't used to having twins.
Me: So what should I do for the pain?
Mark: Lay down drink lots of fluid and relax.
Me: You sure it will work?
Mark: It defintally will.
Me: Thanks.
Mark: Well you got really..... bigger since the last time I saw you.
Me: Yeah I know.
Mark: It's normal. Remember how big mom was with the triplets?
Me: Yeah she couldn't even fit in the doorway.
Mark pushed a stray hair away from my face.
Mark: I know it's hard but you'll get through it. Do you want to run an ultrasound?
Me: Not really.
Mark: Sandy they're in perfect health.
Me: Good. I gotta go see Mike and Danielle.
Mark: Wait are you actually happy with him?
Me: Yeah. Most defintally.
Mark: Do you miss Sam?
Me: I gotta go.
As I got in the car I realized I DO miss him. And I'm not ready for this commitment with a guy I barely know. I need time to think. I texted Leah.
Me: can u look after danielle 4 a little bit???
Leah: how long?
Me: idk. plz.
Leah: fine im coming to get her now.
I got in the house and snuck through the backdoor to not get noticed. I packed a duffle bag I kissed Danielle goodbye. And wrote a quick note: I'm confused I need time to think. Then I laid my engagement ring on top and sprinted out the door. I scrolled through my contacts and called him.
Sam: Sandy?
Me: Can I come over?
Sam: Of course.
Then I drove like crazy to Sam's penthouse. He opened up the door and smiled at me without hesitation I looked in his turquoise eyes. I kissed him then he kissed me back then we couldn't stop and found our way to the couch.
:/ Sandy
Me: Stop I told you.
Mike: Aww but you look so sexy.
Me: Do you see my tramp stamp? It's all about the teasing and not about the pleasing.
Mike frowned and got out of bed. As I fixed my shorts my phone blasted the Lazy Song my voicemail song. I got my password and I listened to my voicemail.
Molly: Hi this is Molly Hartgers and I saw in Tulsa Adoption Agency you're interested in having an open adoption. And you're pregnant with twin girls. Me and my husband Brad will love for you and whoever to come over it's 224 River Side Road. It's on the south side. So please call me back as soon as possible.
My face froze I didn't know it would happen this soon. Mike and I are already choosing names that we both like. It's just too soon. Mike was already out of the room. I nervously dialed the number.
Molly: Hello?
Me: Hi I'm Sandy Davis you uhm called me before.
Molly: Oh yes I did hi.
Me: Hi.
Molly: I would love to talk to you I don't know if you have other couples to interview but can you please come over today?
Me: Yeah sure.
Molly: Do you want to bring a boyfriend if you have one?
Me: Yeah I'll bring my fiancee Mike and I'm going to have to bring my daughter.
Molly: I thought you would bring your daughter like every where you go.
Me: Uhm no I already have a 2 year old daughter.
Molly: And how old are you?
Me: I just turned 19 last month.
Molly: Oh wow you're young.
Me: Yeah I guess but today will be perfect.
Molly: What time is convient for you?
Me: I guess in half an hour.
Molly: Great we'll see you then.
Mike came in the room finishing off his 3rd poptart.
Mike: Who was on the phone?
Me: Someone interested in adopting the twins.
Mike: I think we should name them before we give them away.
Me: Yeah I would want to too. We still have to decide on names though.
Mike: Come on Regan is such a good name.
Me: I told you I'll think about it.
Mike: Come on.
I kissed him to shut him up.
Mike: You hungry?
Me: Starving I had the weirdest craving last night so I had to do it myself that's upsetting.
Mike: What was it?
Me: Pretzel M&M's wrapped in bacon.
Mike: That is pretty weird.
Me: Yeah but I'm gonna eat.
I skipped downstairs and ate 6 S'mores Poptarts. There's 2 in each package so techinically I had 12. :/ Mike was sitting in a towel and I ignored my hormones and got in the shower. Mike was dressed when I got out. I put on a black pencil skirt with a white silk tanktop. I put on white slingbacks and put in pearl studs with a pearl necklace. I did my makeup then put in my black Chanel headband. I gotta look presentable. I went to see Danielle. She wasn't in her bed. My heart was beating so fast. I looked in the downstairs bathroom and there was Lexie in her string bikini with Danielle. Danielle waved at me. I laughed then did finished my makeup. I looked in the mirror to make sure I looked presentable. That outfit really focused on my baby bump. Lexie brought Danielle up to me. I looked at Danielle. Her naturally straight hair had a velvet headband. She had on her favorite shirt: a pink bedazzled shirt that says Mommy's Princess. Then she had on a light blue skirt with baby blue sneakers. Mike had on a collared shirt and khaki's. I picked Danielle up and brought her to the car. We drove off. I put on Pretending the new Glee song xD.
Mike: I know you're nervous and might have second thoughts about giving them away.
I raised the volume higher.
Mike turned it off.
I lost it.
Me: Okay! I'm scared shitless. I don't know if I want to give them up I do then don't. I'll only see their shining faces occasionally. I don't want to be like the normal teen whore. Who gives up their kid then doesn't give a fuck after then continues on with their life.
I sniffled.
Mike: Hey listen it's gonna be okay we'll see them.
Me: And I'm getting fatter look at this.
I pulled up my shirt.
Mike: It's called being pregnant.
He put his hand on it.
Mike: You feel that I feel one of their heads.
I didn't believe him and put my hand on it.
Me: It is.
Mike: It's gonna be okay.
Me: I decided one of them is going to be Regan.
Mike: What about the middle name?
Me: Well Kitty wants her name to be somehow involved so her middle name will be Sarah.
Mike: What about the other one?
Me: I like Blake and Bailey.
Mike: Yeah.
Mike pulled up to the house. It was legit the biggest house I've ever seen even bigger than Nicole's.
Mike: You could say that again.
I got sleeping Danielle out of the car. And balanced her on my hip.
A redish girl answered the door. She has a perfect complexion, to die for wardrobe, and not an ounce of fat on her.
Me: Are you Molly?
Molly: Yes come in. Brad they're here!
I walked in Mike's hand was still wrapped around mine. A man walked in.
Me: Sandy this is my fiance Mike and my daughter Danielle.
Brad: Nice to meet you all.
He smiled and Molly led us to the coach.
Me: So why did you bring us here today?
Molly: We're interested in having an open adoption with you.
Mike: Not to be rude or anything but why can't you have kids on your own.
I slapped Mike.
Molly: We had trouble.... concieving. I suffered 3 miscarriages. So we went to a doctor and learned that I am physically unable to concieve children. I've always wanted to. We want to. But it just broke our hearts. It's the one thing we both wanted. Some people can have kids without trying. And I'm so jealous of them.
I shifted in my seat.
Me: That's horrible to hear.
Molly: Yeah. So can we hear a little about you?
Me: Sure. I just turned 19 last month. I have Danielle here she is 2. I was the captain of the varsity cheerleading team, and varsity dance team. I dropped out of highschool to raise Danielle. I had full paid scholarships for cheerleading and dance but I didn't accept because of Danielle. I was born and raised in Tulsa. I moved to Florida for 2 years with my grandparents because my parents weren't exactally fond of having a pregnant daughter. And my ex Sodapop wanted us to get married and they perfered me moving to Florida then getting married at 16.
Molly: I thought you were 17 when you had her.
Me: No. I got pregnant with her in June then I had her in January before I turned 17.
Molly: Oh wow.
Me: Yeah. Oh yeah here are ultrasounds of them if you want.
Molly held the ultrasound and started tearing up.
Brad: Do you know who you want to be the parents?
Me: Most defintally you guys. But we have one condition.
Molly: What money?
Me: Uhm no I want to name them since they are technically mine.
Molly: Sure what names do you have in mind?
Me: Regan.
Molly: Sure.
Me: Okay.
Molly: When are they due?
Me: November 9th.
Molly: How has your pregnancy been so far?
Me: One of them is laying weird but the doctor said it's perfectally normal and it's actually good because they aren't laying on top of each other. I've been getting really weird cravings, my feet are so swollen, I have the worst back pain, the worst mood swings, and I'm really big for 16 weeks.
Molly: Well we'll be here for you no matter what.
Me: Wow thanks.
Molly: No problem.
Danielle was starting to wake up in my lap. She smiled at Mike and reached out for him. Molly smiled at Danielle.
Molly: Can I hold her?
Me: Uhm sure.
She held Danielle as the look on Danielle's face simply said who the fuck is this nut job?! Danielle didn't complain she liked the attention.
Me: Is there any deals you guys want to make?
Molly: We want to go to all of the doctor appointments.
Me: Sure. Is that it?
Molly: Yeah.
Me: I should get going sorry it was nice meeting you two.
I got Danielle and Mike held my free hand as we walked to the car. Mike started driving.
Mike: What do you think of her as potential parents?
Me: I think they are going to have a pretty good life all they ever wanted was a child of their own. Now they get two blonde little girls.
Mike: How do you know they're going to be blonde? Soda has brown hair.
Me: I just know they're going to be blonde. Can we go back home I want to change.
Mike: Sure.
I pranced in the house and got changed into a light blue sundress. I looked in the mirror and I completly lost it. I lifted up my dress and looked at my baby bump.
I was crying hysterically and couldn't get a hold of myself. Mike came running up.
Mike: What's wrong?
Me: I'm fat! I keep on getting bigger and bigger. And after that I don't know if I want to give them up. They will grow up as Soc's and think their mom is a no good low class whore. I can't live like this.
Mike held me as I cried.
Me: And I'm ugly my babies will be ugly.
Mike: You're beautiful and they will be.
I cried harder. After 20 minutes of Mike consoling me I felt a sharp pain in my back. I know this pain. It's not I'm too fat pain it's oh shit it's coming pain. I screamed as another one came.
Mike: What's wrong?
I couldn't breath.
Me: I'm having a fuckin contraction.
Mike: You're having them this early?
Me: I can't! They'll die right away their lungs aren't developed yet.
Then another one came.
Mike: We have to do something.
Me: Yeah like what?
Another one came it hurt so bad.
Me: Call Mark and tell him to come over here now.
He dialed Mark and explained the whole thing. As we waited for Mark to come over tears were spilling down my cheeks from the unbearable pain. Mark came to my room breathless.
Mark: What happened?
Me: I started getting contractions.
Mark: You're only 17 weeks pregnant.
Me: No shit sherlock.
Mark: We have to go to the hospital. Did your water break?
Me: No.
Mark: Okay that means they're not coming but something is defintally up.
He helped me up. Another one came.
Me: I want mom.
Mark didn't look at me. He knows when I'm in so much pain I always ask for mom.
Mark: She's not around anymore.
Me: I need drugs to stop the pain then.
Mark: Sandy you're not giving birth for another 5 months. You can't have drugs.
He helped me in the car. As Mike nervously stayed at the house looking after Danielle. Mark sped to the hospital as I squeezed his free hand. Mark parked and we quickly got into the hospital. He talked to his other doctors and he got me a room. They ran blood tests and urine tests. Mark came in and the contractions had stopped by then.
Me: What's wrong with me?
Mark: You were having braxton hick's contractions.
Me: And you think I know what the fuck that means?
Mark: It pretty much means your uterus is preparing to have the babies. It's flexing and it's painful as you just experienced. But they don't last very long. You should get them occasionally because your body isn't used to having twins.
Me: So what should I do for the pain?
Mark: Lay down drink lots of fluid and relax.
Me: You sure it will work?
Mark: It defintally will.
Me: Thanks.
Mark: Well you got really..... bigger since the last time I saw you.
Me: Yeah I know.
Mark: It's normal. Remember how big mom was with the triplets?
Me: Yeah she couldn't even fit in the doorway.
Mark pushed a stray hair away from my face.
Mark: I know it's hard but you'll get through it. Do you want to run an ultrasound?
Me: Not really.
Mark: Sandy they're in perfect health.
Me: Good. I gotta go see Mike and Danielle.
Mark: Wait are you actually happy with him?
Me: Yeah. Most defintally.
Mark: Do you miss Sam?
Me: I gotta go.
As I got in the car I realized I DO miss him. And I'm not ready for this commitment with a guy I barely know. I need time to think. I texted Leah.
Me: can u look after danielle 4 a little bit???
Leah: how long?
Me: idk. plz.
Leah: fine im coming to get her now.
I got in the house and snuck through the backdoor to not get noticed. I packed a duffle bag I kissed Danielle goodbye. And wrote a quick note: I'm confused I need time to think. Then I laid my engagement ring on top and sprinted out the door. I scrolled through my contacts and called him.
Sam: Sandy?
Me: Can I come over?
Sam: Of course.
Then I drove like crazy to Sam's penthouse. He opened up the door and smiled at me without hesitation I looked in his turquoise eyes. I kissed him then he kissed me back then we couldn't stop and found our way to the couch.
:/ Sandy
Thursday, May 19, 2011
For Once In My Whole Life I Don't Want To Be Normal
I knew it was right. Just after 2 weeks.
Me: Yes.
He picked me up and kissed me everyone cheered. The Yankees lost. :(. But I won <3. The streets were full of drunks singing New York By Frank Cinantra even though they didn't even win go figure. We went back to the hotel and had uhmmm happy you said yes sex.
.........................................................................................................................
Me: Yo Kitty something big happened last night.
Kitty: Please don't tell me you're pregnant with triplets.
Me: Puh-lease. Mike proposed.
Kitty: Well I kinda figured after we found the ring.
Me: Yeah well but he did it in front of thousands of people.
Kitty: Awww.
Me: It's perfect.
Kitty: I better be your maid of honor or else...
Me: Or else what?
Kitty: Give me until November because I can't beat you up now cuz you're pregnant. Stupid Soda.
Me: Don't worry you're the one who I want to be my maid of honor.
Kitty: Really?
Me: Really.
Kitty: Awww.
Me: Happy now?
Kitty: Very much so.
Me: I'm just I don't know kinda depressed I guess.
Kitty: About being engaged to Mike?
Me: Oh hell no why would I say yes then?
Kitty: I don't know.
Me: I'm not going to have my dad to walk me down the aisle. That just really hurts a normal wedding has that.
Kitty: Listen Sandy I worried about that at first. But I have Darry or Soda to walk me down the aisle.
Me: Yeah I guess.
Kitty: And who the fuck cares about normal weddings? You know who has normal weddings normal people. And we are far from that.
Me: Really feel the love.
Kitty: Normal people are squeaky clean God loving virgins with a normal family. Last time I checked haha this cracks me up you're most defintally not a virgin.
Me: Shut up neither are you.
Kitty: Am I denying it?
Me: If I was there I would beat the shit out of you.
Kitty: Ohhh I'm so scared are you going to get the crowbar out again?
Me: Nope I'll think of something.
Kitty: That would be actually pretty hillarious. I'm sorry this might not be words of wisdom right now because I can totally sense you guys had sex last night.
Me: Kitty my hormones are freaking horny do you think I can survive a night without sex?
Kitty: Oh damn I'm gonna chop his dick off.
Me: You better not cut off Mike's.
Kitty: No you retard Soda's.
Me: No comment.
Kitty: Anywho I just picture you cuz you're big right now just beating the shit out of me with that crowbar again.
Me: Shut up KitKat Sarah Curtis.
Kitty: Are you trying to sound like Darry?
Me: I don't know. I don't wanna.
Kitty: You better not. Well if you weren't pregnant I would go all the way to New York and we would be drinking Whiskey and Rum.
Me: Vodka or Tequila would be nice too.
Kitty: And beer.
Me: At least you can have them.
Kitty: But I wanna throw you a party. But I already am but... opps.
Me: Did I just hear the word party?
Kitty: Nope.
Me: Yes I did are you throwing me a fuckin baby shower?
Kitty: Come on Sandy loosen up last time I threw you a baby shower you and Soda ended up going into a room fighting then having very loud makeup sex.
Me: I was 7 months pregnant I didn't know the.... results.
Kitty: Yeah but you're 3 months pregnant and I'm throwing you a baby shower whether you like it or not.
Me: Oh good God you're sounding like me.
Kitty: Ah shit.
Me: Yay.
Kitty: So when's the big day?
Me: I just got engaged last night I don't fuckin know.
Kitty: But like are you gonna be pregnant when you get married?
Me: Hell no I don't have the confidence to even step outside being fat. Do you think on the most important day of my life me out of all people will walk down the aisle pregnant? I have to be skinny when I do it.
Kitty: Remember our deal.
Me: Yeah yeah I know Doctor Phil.
Kitty: It's Doctor Kitty to you.
Me: No arguements there you could be a pretty good therapist.
Kitty: Because I'm just that sexy?
Me: Stop now you really are sounding like me I'm not liking this.
Kitty: Should I cleanse myself or something?
Me: You're a bitch.
Kitty: You're a bitch.
Me: Nooo you're a bitch.
Then I heard someone steal her phone.
Soda: Fine you're both bitches.
Kitty: No Soda you're a bitch.
Me: I agree with that.
Soda: What is this make fun of Soda day?
Kitty: You didn't hear it's a national holiday to celebrate your stupidity, your manwhoreness, and your petiteness. Now give me me freaking phone back.
I laughed at Kitty's..... niceness to her brother.
Kitty: So how's New York other wise?
Me: It's pretty good Mike got us a master suite in the W hotel. We went to Central Park today and made out on a blanket.
Kitty: Awww how romantic.
Me: It actually was.
Kitty: Are you scared to get married?
Me: Not really because I know it's only been a little bit but I love him and I know he's the right one.
Kitty: That was cute.
Me: Maybe because I am cute.
Kitty: Why yes Sandy I can just eat you up over your adorableness.
Me: Doesn't everyone?
Kitty: He proposed romantically even though we accidentally found the ring when I was on a search for your emergency bottle of tequila.
Me: Yeah it was amazing.
I saw Mike come in.
Mike: It's 10 o clock wanna go to bed?
Me: Yeah hold on.
Me: Hey I gotta go.
Kitty: Why are you gonna have sex?
Me: Nope gonna cuddle in bed and rent a movie on HBO.
Kitty: I'm beginning to think cuddle is a codename for sex.
Me: Shut up.
Kitty: Love ya bye.
Mike checked me out in my skimpy light blue lace nightie. We cuddled in bed and flipped through the movies.
Mike: Do you want Dear John, Letters To Juliet, I Am Number 4, The Notebook, or Mean Girls?
Me: All chickflicks. How about we get something we can both agree on?
Mike: I love you.
Me: I love you more.
He kissed me and tried taking off my nightie.
Me: Stop I want to watch a movie.
Mike: Fine.
Me: What about A League of Their Own or The Other Guys?
Me and Mike: The Other Guys.
We cuddled and watched The Other Guys. And no Kitty we did not have sex. I fell asleep in his arms and realized it was my first real day engaged and I love it and I hope for more.
:D Sandy
Me: Yes.
He picked me up and kissed me everyone cheered. The Yankees lost. :(. But I won <3. The streets were full of drunks singing New York By Frank Cinantra even though they didn't even win go figure. We went back to the hotel and had uhmmm happy you said yes sex.
.........................................................................................................................
Me: Yo Kitty something big happened last night.
Kitty: Please don't tell me you're pregnant with triplets.
Me: Puh-lease. Mike proposed.
Kitty: Well I kinda figured after we found the ring.
Me: Yeah well but he did it in front of thousands of people.
Kitty: Awww.
Me: It's perfect.
Kitty: I better be your maid of honor or else...
Me: Or else what?
Kitty: Give me until November because I can't beat you up now cuz you're pregnant. Stupid Soda.
Me: Don't worry you're the one who I want to be my maid of honor.
Kitty: Really?
Me: Really.
Kitty: Awww.
Me: Happy now?
Kitty: Very much so.
Me: I'm just I don't know kinda depressed I guess.
Kitty: About being engaged to Mike?
Me: Oh hell no why would I say yes then?
Kitty: I don't know.
Me: I'm not going to have my dad to walk me down the aisle. That just really hurts a normal wedding has that.
Kitty: Listen Sandy I worried about that at first. But I have Darry or Soda to walk me down the aisle.
Me: Yeah I guess.
Kitty: And who the fuck cares about normal weddings? You know who has normal weddings normal people. And we are far from that.
Me: Really feel the love.
Kitty: Normal people are squeaky clean God loving virgins with a normal family. Last time I checked haha this cracks me up you're most defintally not a virgin.
Me: Shut up neither are you.
Kitty: Am I denying it?
Me: If I was there I would beat the shit out of you.
Kitty: Ohhh I'm so scared are you going to get the crowbar out again?
Me: Nope I'll think of something.
Kitty: That would be actually pretty hillarious. I'm sorry this might not be words of wisdom right now because I can totally sense you guys had sex last night.
Me: Kitty my hormones are freaking horny do you think I can survive a night without sex?
Kitty: Oh damn I'm gonna chop his dick off.
Me: You better not cut off Mike's.
Kitty: No you retard Soda's.
Me: No comment.
Kitty: Anywho I just picture you cuz you're big right now just beating the shit out of me with that crowbar again.
Me: Shut up KitKat Sarah Curtis.
Kitty: Are you trying to sound like Darry?
Me: I don't know. I don't wanna.
Kitty: You better not. Well if you weren't pregnant I would go all the way to New York and we would be drinking Whiskey and Rum.
Me: Vodka or Tequila would be nice too.
Kitty: And beer.
Me: At least you can have them.
Kitty: But I wanna throw you a party. But I already am but... opps.
Me: Did I just hear the word party?
Kitty: Nope.
Me: Yes I did are you throwing me a fuckin baby shower?
Kitty: Come on Sandy loosen up last time I threw you a baby shower you and Soda ended up going into a room fighting then having very loud makeup sex.
Me: I was 7 months pregnant I didn't know the.... results.
Kitty: Yeah but you're 3 months pregnant and I'm throwing you a baby shower whether you like it or not.
Me: Oh good God you're sounding like me.
Kitty: Ah shit.
Me: Yay.
Kitty: So when's the big day?
Me: I just got engaged last night I don't fuckin know.
Kitty: But like are you gonna be pregnant when you get married?
Me: Hell no I don't have the confidence to even step outside being fat. Do you think on the most important day of my life me out of all people will walk down the aisle pregnant? I have to be skinny when I do it.
Kitty: Remember our deal.
Me: Yeah yeah I know Doctor Phil.
Kitty: It's Doctor Kitty to you.
Me: No arguements there you could be a pretty good therapist.
Kitty: Because I'm just that sexy?
Me: Stop now you really are sounding like me I'm not liking this.
Kitty: Should I cleanse myself or something?
Me: You're a bitch.
Kitty: You're a bitch.
Me: Nooo you're a bitch.
Then I heard someone steal her phone.
Soda: Fine you're both bitches.
Kitty: No Soda you're a bitch.
Me: I agree with that.
Soda: What is this make fun of Soda day?
Kitty: You didn't hear it's a national holiday to celebrate your stupidity, your manwhoreness, and your petiteness. Now give me me freaking phone back.
I laughed at Kitty's..... niceness to her brother.
Kitty: So how's New York other wise?
Me: It's pretty good Mike got us a master suite in the W hotel. We went to Central Park today and made out on a blanket.
Kitty: Awww how romantic.
Me: It actually was.
Kitty: Are you scared to get married?
Me: Not really because I know it's only been a little bit but I love him and I know he's the right one.
Kitty: That was cute.
Me: Maybe because I am cute.
Kitty: Why yes Sandy I can just eat you up over your adorableness.
Me: Doesn't everyone?
Kitty: He proposed romantically even though we accidentally found the ring when I was on a search for your emergency bottle of tequila.
Me: Yeah it was amazing.
I saw Mike come in.
Mike: It's 10 o clock wanna go to bed?
Me: Yeah hold on.
Me: Hey I gotta go.
Kitty: Why are you gonna have sex?
Me: Nope gonna cuddle in bed and rent a movie on HBO.
Kitty: I'm beginning to think cuddle is a codename for sex.
Me: Shut up.
Kitty: Love ya bye.
Mike checked me out in my skimpy light blue lace nightie. We cuddled in bed and flipped through the movies.
Mike: Do you want Dear John, Letters To Juliet, I Am Number 4, The Notebook, or Mean Girls?
Me: All chickflicks. How about we get something we can both agree on?
Mike: I love you.
Me: I love you more.
He kissed me and tried taking off my nightie.
Me: Stop I want to watch a movie.
Mike: Fine.
Me: What about A League of Their Own or The Other Guys?
Me and Mike: The Other Guys.
We cuddled and watched The Other Guys. And no Kitty we did not have sex. I fell asleep in his arms and realized it was my first real day engaged and I love it and I hope for more.
:D Sandy
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Everyone Has To Do It Sometime Or Later
He held my hand as the doctor applied that goo shit on my stomach.
Me: Please don't get it on my shirt this is a vintage Ralph Lauren.
Kitty laughed in the corner playing on the wheely chair.
Kitty: That's all you care about really?
Me: Shut up.
It appeared on the screen two tiny babies.
Doctor: You're having twin girls.
I smiled and wondered to myself if they were identical or fraternal. Kitty squealed in delight.
Kitty: Before you give them up name one of them Kitty please.
Me: Be lucky you can see them before I give them away.
Kitty stood there silently.
Mike: I bet they 're going to be beautiful just like you.
He kissed me.
Kitty: Seriously keep your hormones to yourself!
I slapped Kitty and she gave me the finger. I wiped off the stuff off my stomach and walked out of the room. Kitty insisted on coming because she wants one of them to be her minion -.- Kitty climbed into Soda's truck and blew me a kiss goodbye. We got into my crappy Volvo. Mike was silent it was pretty unusual. The sky cackled then it started pouring rain. Mike kept his eyes on his road.
Me: What's wrong?
Mike: What's wrong? Seriously? Sandy I can't keep on pretending that everything's okay. Like that it's my baby that you're carrying. And you're so careless about it!
He pulled up to the house and made his way to get in. I stood at the doorway.
Me: Leave.
Mike: Why?
Me: I love you and I don't deserve to be treated like crap.
Mike: Sandy..
Me: Leave! How can you go from insulting me and then trying to make everything okay?!?
With that note he left. Mascara poured down my cheeks I watched him leave his head down. And I saw he was crying. I wanted to yell don't leave. I went to the liquor cabinet and figured out the lock combo. Mark's birthday. 8-13-85. I got out my emergency bottle of Whiskey. I got out a glass and then Lexie came and snatched it away. I sulked to my room. I miss his sense of humor, I miss his eyes, I miss everything about him. I love him so why aren't I getting my man? I fell asleep and I realized I was still in my clothes. The clock said it was 2 am. I put my hair into a ponytail wiped away my tears and botled out the door. I knew he would be at the park near the pond. I sprinted down. I saw him sitting there his hands burried in his face.
Me: Mike.
He looked up at me and got up. I ran to him and my white drenched sundress soaked and see through splashing me.
Me: MIKE!
Me: Why did you start this do you not love me anymore?
Mike: Are you kidding? I'm in love with you completely in love with you.
Me: Then why did you act like a dick?!
Mike: I don't know I was just fed up that...
Me: What?
Mike: Nothing.
Me: Say it!
Mike: Okay! I'm fed up that you're not carrying my baby! I wish it's mine. Sandy I can't believe you would think for a second that I would ever fall out of love with you I'm completely in love with you.
I went closer to him he kissed me as the rain poured down. He kissed me and kissed me.
Me: I don't want to fight ever again.
He picked me up still kissing me and I wrapped my legs around his waist and we went home. Lexie and Adam were still awake as Mike slammed the door open. I ripped off his sweatshirt and we went upstairs our clothes falling off in the process.
_________________________________________________________________________________
I heard the door open. My voice hurt like a mother fucker. My hair was soaking wet Mike smiled at me.
Me: Shit I told Kitty she could come over today.
I handed him a pair of Mark's tee-shirts and basketball shorts. He got out of the room and Kitty said hi. I put on a robe and dried my hair. Kitty came up and held my damp dress and my bra.
Kitty: Care to explain?
Me: Not really.
Kitty: Let me guess you two had a fight then you had makeup sex.
Me: Pretty much.
Kitty: Wow.
Me: Shut up.
Kitty: Here I will let you take a shower because your hair looks like a rats nest after the wild makeup sex you had.
Me: Thanks.
I gave her the finger behind my back. I got changed afterwards and felt sudden relief that Danielle was sleeping over at Mark's.
Kitty: Was it good sex?
Me: Kitty!
Kitty: Answer the question.
Me: Well it was makeup sex...
Kitty: Are you kidding me? Two-Bit and I fight all the time and the makeup sex is the best. I mean whoa.
Me: Wow. So your question is answered.
I made my bed and Kitty sat on my white egg chair.
Me: Seriously your not going on my bed? It's made.
Kitty: You just had sex and I'm not touching those sheets.
I threw a pillow at Kitty. She grabbed the remote and flipped through the DVR.
Kitty: Seriously all you have is Glee, Jersey Shore, The Vampire Diaries, and Real World Las Vegas.
Me: Too bad.
Kitty: I need a drink.
Me: Look on my closet shelf I have a bottle of Tequila there.
She tried to reach for it being careful not to fall in her heels. Then an envelope fell down. Kitty picked it up.
Kitty: Two tickets to New York, May 14h.
Me: That's today!
Kitty: 2 tickets to the Yankees V.S Red Sox.
Me: Oh my God.
Kitty picked up a piece of folded paper.
Kitty: Ideas to propose: on the jumbotron, romantic night.
I nearly passed out. Kitty continued to look for her Tequila. Then a black velvet box fell. Kitty picked it up.
Kitty: Damn 2 weeks you two are getting married. Damn. After 2 weeks me and Two-Bit just had sex you two must really love eachother.
I stood in shock. Kitty opened up the box and there laid the most beautiful ring I ever laid eyes on.
Kitty squealed. Then Kitty found the Tequila.
Kitty: I will drink to this.
She took a swing of it and put it back. After an hour of watching Glee and me being in shock Kitty left. Mike came back. And I put the box and everything else back.
Mike: I found the house that we saw a couple of days ago for a decent price. Want to buy it?
Me: Yeah yeah sure.
Mike: Okay because I already called the real-estate agent and it's ours.
He threw me the keys. It's too much am I ready for this? He is the one...
Mike: And I got you a present. 2 tickets to New York up until Wednseday and Yankees V.S Red Sox tickets.
Me: Thanks.
I kissed him. His breath everything about him. I'm ready for this commitment. Danielle came home and I kissed her as I was packing. I put most of my shit into boxes being ready to move out. I took Danielle for a drive to our house. Danielle was in shock at how big it was to her.
Mike claims he is middle class but he is upper middle class since he can afford our new house. Danielle went running inside and was so happy. I took her to her room. The pink walls made her melt into a puddle. I took her back and kissed her goodbye. Mike and I went to the airport. The flight was mostly us making out. And me barfing half the flight. Thank God the doctor said the morning sickness goes away next month. I looked at the amazing city. We landed then I barfed again as Mike held my hair. We got to our hotel, the W hotel! Mike gave me the key and I ran up to the hotel room. It was absolutely gorgeous.
Then Mike suggested we try the bed out ;). It was nearly 6 pm and we had to go to the game. I got on my Mark Texiera jersey with a flimsy white camisole, jeggings, and 5 inch navy blue wedges. Mike and I rode the subway talk about scary. We got to the Bronx and we got to our seats in mid-field. I yelled at the Red Sox calling them dirty fuckers. The Yankees were losing so Mike and I started making out. They did the kiss cam and Mike and I did a GREAT kiss for them. Then I looked at the screen snuggling next to Mike. Then it said Sandy I love you and everything about you. You think you're the opposite of perfect while I think you're absolutely perfect. I love everything about you. I never loved anyone as much as you in my whole life. I can't imagine a day without you. Will you marry me? Mike was gone and he was on one knee I stood up.
Mike: Will you marry me?
<3333 Sandy
Me: Please don't get it on my shirt this is a vintage Ralph Lauren.
Kitty laughed in the corner playing on the wheely chair.
Kitty: That's all you care about really?
Me: Shut up.
It appeared on the screen two tiny babies.
Doctor: You're having twin girls.
I smiled and wondered to myself if they were identical or fraternal. Kitty squealed in delight.
Kitty: Before you give them up name one of them Kitty please.
Me: Be lucky you can see them before I give them away.
Kitty stood there silently.
Mike: I bet they 're going to be beautiful just like you.
He kissed me.
Kitty: Seriously keep your hormones to yourself!
I slapped Kitty and she gave me the finger. I wiped off the stuff off my stomach and walked out of the room. Kitty insisted on coming because she wants one of them to be her minion -.- Kitty climbed into Soda's truck and blew me a kiss goodbye. We got into my crappy Volvo. Mike was silent it was pretty unusual. The sky cackled then it started pouring rain. Mike kept his eyes on his road.
Me: What's wrong?
Mike: What's wrong? Seriously? Sandy I can't keep on pretending that everything's okay. Like that it's my baby that you're carrying. And you're so careless about it!
He pulled up to the house and made his way to get in. I stood at the doorway.
Me: Leave.
Mike: Why?
Me: I love you and I don't deserve to be treated like crap.
Mike: Sandy..
Me: Leave! How can you go from insulting me and then trying to make everything okay?!?
With that note he left. Mascara poured down my cheeks I watched him leave his head down. And I saw he was crying. I wanted to yell don't leave. I went to the liquor cabinet and figured out the lock combo. Mark's birthday. 8-13-85. I got out my emergency bottle of Whiskey. I got out a glass and then Lexie came and snatched it away. I sulked to my room. I miss his sense of humor, I miss his eyes, I miss everything about him. I love him so why aren't I getting my man? I fell asleep and I realized I was still in my clothes. The clock said it was 2 am. I put my hair into a ponytail wiped away my tears and botled out the door. I knew he would be at the park near the pond. I sprinted down. I saw him sitting there his hands burried in his face.
Me: Mike.
He looked up at me and got up. I ran to him and my white drenched sundress soaked and see through splashing me.
Me: MIKE!
Me: Why did you start this do you not love me anymore?
Mike: Are you kidding? I'm in love with you completely in love with you.
Me: Then why did you act like a dick?!
Mike: I don't know I was just fed up that...
Me: What?
Mike: Nothing.
Me: Say it!
Mike: Okay! I'm fed up that you're not carrying my baby! I wish it's mine. Sandy I can't believe you would think for a second that I would ever fall out of love with you I'm completely in love with you.
I went closer to him he kissed me as the rain poured down. He kissed me and kissed me.
Me: I don't want to fight ever again.
He picked me up still kissing me and I wrapped my legs around his waist and we went home. Lexie and Adam were still awake as Mike slammed the door open. I ripped off his sweatshirt and we went upstairs our clothes falling off in the process.
_________________________________________________________________________________
I heard the door open. My voice hurt like a mother fucker. My hair was soaking wet Mike smiled at me.
Me: Shit I told Kitty she could come over today.
I handed him a pair of Mark's tee-shirts and basketball shorts. He got out of the room and Kitty said hi. I put on a robe and dried my hair. Kitty came up and held my damp dress and my bra.
Kitty: Care to explain?
Me: Not really.
Kitty: Let me guess you two had a fight then you had makeup sex.
Me: Pretty much.
Kitty: Wow.
Me: Shut up.
Kitty: Here I will let you take a shower because your hair looks like a rats nest after the wild makeup sex you had.
Me: Thanks.
I gave her the finger behind my back. I got changed afterwards and felt sudden relief that Danielle was sleeping over at Mark's.
Kitty: Was it good sex?
Me: Kitty!
Kitty: Answer the question.
Me: Well it was makeup sex...
Kitty: Are you kidding me? Two-Bit and I fight all the time and the makeup sex is the best. I mean whoa.
Me: Wow. So your question is answered.
I made my bed and Kitty sat on my white egg chair.
Me: Seriously your not going on my bed? It's made.
Kitty: You just had sex and I'm not touching those sheets.
I threw a pillow at Kitty. She grabbed the remote and flipped through the DVR.
Kitty: Seriously all you have is Glee, Jersey Shore, The Vampire Diaries, and Real World Las Vegas.
Me: Too bad.
Kitty: I need a drink.
Me: Look on my closet shelf I have a bottle of Tequila there.
She tried to reach for it being careful not to fall in her heels. Then an envelope fell down. Kitty picked it up.
Kitty: Two tickets to New York, May 14h.
Me: That's today!
Kitty: 2 tickets to the Yankees V.S Red Sox.
Me: Oh my God.
Kitty picked up a piece of folded paper.
Kitty: Ideas to propose: on the jumbotron, romantic night.
I nearly passed out. Kitty continued to look for her Tequila. Then a black velvet box fell. Kitty picked it up.
Kitty: Damn 2 weeks you two are getting married. Damn. After 2 weeks me and Two-Bit just had sex you two must really love eachother.
I stood in shock. Kitty opened up the box and there laid the most beautiful ring I ever laid eyes on.
Kitty squealed. Then Kitty found the Tequila.
Kitty: I will drink to this.
She took a swing of it and put it back. After an hour of watching Glee and me being in shock Kitty left. Mike came back. And I put the box and everything else back.
Mike: I found the house that we saw a couple of days ago for a decent price. Want to buy it?
Me: Yeah yeah sure.
Mike: Okay because I already called the real-estate agent and it's ours.
He threw me the keys. It's too much am I ready for this? He is the one...
Mike: And I got you a present. 2 tickets to New York up until Wednseday and Yankees V.S Red Sox tickets.
Me: Thanks.
I kissed him. His breath everything about him. I'm ready for this commitment. Danielle came home and I kissed her as I was packing. I put most of my shit into boxes being ready to move out. I took Danielle for a drive to our house. Danielle was in shock at how big it was to her.
Mike: Will you marry me?
<3333 Sandy
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