Life Sucks And Then You Die.

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant for my 2nd time. The inner pain of the fear of weight gain, my outer pain of being scared and alone once again, and the strange deja vu of who's the father? You learn to suck it up and take responsibility for your careless mistake. The past 9 months weren't exactly easy but that bullshit line of "Everything happens for a reason," might be true but who knows? 9 months of a bond with the identical twin girls, the emotional breakdowns, the 3 AM food runs well making Kitty go on my food runs, and the best thing about being pregnant was that strange feeling that even at your lowest you're not alone because you still have that baby or babies that are all yours. This pregnancy was complicated but I had to put on a brave face. Sam was supportive and Danielle was excited for their arrival but they wouldn't even be in my life. I was reluctant about starting school 8 months pregnant; the looks and the hushed whispers from people in the hallway. I learned to enjoy a school life that didn't revolve around cheerleading but in my heart I still yern for that feeling of acceptance whenever you wear that polyester uniform around school. You have to learn to put on a brave face and suck it up.

It started out like any other day; Danielle whining to be picked up, making breakfast for the 3 of us, talking about the babies with Sam, and getting all my shit together for school. Only one thing was different than all the other days, I woke up with sharp pains in my sides. I convinced myself it was false labor pains or I was going into false labor once again. I left the apartment with an annoyed attitude just hoping to make it through the day. Then it happened. It happened so quickly you can't do anything to stop it. It happened 3rd period English class with no other than Mr. Syme who's so fond of us Greasers. When he asked "Why did Juliet die after she fond Romeo dead?" I clutched my stomach in pain as I felt yet another contraction, then the calls of immature, uneducated Socs in disgust screaming "Gross Sandy are you peeing?" My face paled and I knew everything was over for sure. Mr. Syme had to call an ambulence to rush me to the E.R. 12 hours of lovely contractions I was sent into the E.R for an emergency C section. I later awoke exahusted just wanting to see my daughters who in days would be snatched from my life. I saw Sam holding a beautiful small bundle, her blonde hair was matted on her head. But I took a closer look and saw his tear streaked face,
"Where's the other one?" I finally asked cocking a blonde eyebrow.
Sam looked down at the baby and looked up at me, "Sophia died. When.... she came out dead." Sam said crying holding a sleeping Beth.
It was like one of those moments you see in movies where you can't here your surroundings and all you hear is the pounding of your heart. I wanted to scream or cry but I did both. The emotions I bottled up for 8 years exploded like that. And, the girl everyone once knew is dead just like her daughter.
I sat in the hospital bed curled up sobbing. Only Beth surrived and poor Sophia's dead. More tears rolled down my cheek, why me? Few people came in and out to check up on me but everyone's main concern is Dally and his attempted suicide. The lights flickered on and my blue eyes fumed with anger and pain. "Turn them off!" I yelled not wanting everyone to see that I've been in the same place for 3 days now with the same tears that keep on rolling down my pale cheeks. I pulled the sheets over my head shaking with anger not wanting anyone to see me like this. Kitty checked up on me once every day to tell me everything's going to be alright. Then she told me the latest with the whole Blair/Dally situation. I looked up and saw Sam. Without words he just climbed into bed with me, he held me and cried. He completely lost it. Sam kissed my forehead and wiped his face getting out of bed. Dr. Winston came in saying that I was being released. Then Molly and Brad came in holding Beth, I held Beth and kissed her not seeing my baby again. Then they took a quick picture of Beth and I, then one of the 4 of us Sam, Danielle, Beth, and I. On that note they left and so did I.
"I'll take Danielle back to the apartment, meet you there?" Sam asked me with his hands jammed in his pockets.
I shook my head, "I'll take her."
He nodded and left shaking his blonde hair out of his eyes. I watched his black Mercedes drive away and Danielle pointing repeating "Daddy?" I ran to my car and drove to where I go when the going gets tough. I drove to the airport and booked a nonstop flight to Miami. Nothing with me except a confused 3 year old I boarded the plane. 3 hours later we were finally at our destination I picked Danielle up and waited for my grandma to pick us up when I frantically called her on the way to the airport. I saw my grandma smiling in front of the airport, she smiled and simply said "Welcome back to Florida Sandra."
:/ Sandy