Why Am I So Fucked Up?

Mike's hand crept his way up my shirt.
Me: Stop I told you.
Mike: Aww but you look so sexy.
Me: Do you see my tramp stamp? It's all about the teasing and not about the pleasing.
Mike frowned and got out of bed. As I fixed my shorts my phone blasted the Lazy Song my voicemail song. I got my password and I listened to my voicemail.
Molly: Hi this is Molly Hartgers and I saw in Tulsa Adoption Agency you're interested in having an open adoption. And you're pregnant with twin girls. Me and my husband Brad will love for you and whoever to come over it's 224 River Side Road. It's on the south side. So please call me back as soon as possible.
My face froze I didn't know it would happen this soon. Mike and I are already choosing names that we both like. It's just too soon. Mike was already out of the room. I nervously dialed the number.
Molly: Hello?
Me: Hi I'm Sandy Davis you uhm called me before.
Molly: Oh yes I did hi.
Me: Hi.
Molly: I would love to talk to you I don't know if you have other couples to interview but can you please come over today?
Me: Yeah sure.
Molly: Do you want to bring a boyfriend if you have one?
Me: Yeah I'll bring my fiancee Mike and I'm going to have to bring my daughter.
Molly: I thought you would bring your daughter like every where you go.
Me: Uhm no I already have a 2 year old daughter.
Molly: And how old are you?
Me: I just turned 19 last month.
Molly: Oh wow you're young.
Me: Yeah I guess but today will be perfect.
Molly: What time is convient for you?
Me: I guess in half an hour.
Molly: Great we'll see you then.
Mike came in the room finishing off his 3rd poptart.
Mike: Who was on the phone?
Me: Someone interested in adopting the twins.
Mike: I think we should name them before we give them away.
Me: Yeah I would want to too. We still have to decide on names though.
Mike: Come on Regan is such a good name.
Me: I told you I'll think about it.
Mike: Come on.
I kissed him to shut him up.
Mike: You hungry?
Me: Starving I had the weirdest craving last night so I had to do it myself that's upsetting.
Mike: What was it?
Me: Pretzel M&M's wrapped in bacon.
Mike: That is pretty weird.
Me: Yeah but I'm gonna eat.
I skipped downstairs and ate 6 S'mores Poptarts. There's 2 in each package so techinically I had 12. :/ Mike was sitting in a towel and I ignored my hormones and got in the shower. Mike was dressed when I got out. I put on a black pencil skirt with a white silk tanktop. I put on white slingbacks and put in pearl studs with a pearl necklace. I did my makeup then put in my black Chanel headband. I gotta look presentable. I went to see Danielle. She wasn't in her bed. My heart was beating so fast. I looked in the downstairs bathroom and there was Lexie in her string bikini with Danielle. Danielle waved at me. I laughed then did finished my makeup. I looked in the mirror to make sure I looked presentable. That outfit really focused on my baby bump. Lexie brought Danielle up to me. I looked at Danielle. Her naturally straight hair had a velvet headband. She had on her favorite shirt: a pink bedazzled shirt that says Mommy's Princess. Then she had on a light blue skirt with baby blue sneakers. Mike had on a collared shirt and khaki's. I picked Danielle up and brought her to the car. We drove off. I put on Pretending the new Glee song xD.
Mike: I know you're nervous and might have second thoughts about giving them away.
I raised the volume higher.
Mike turned it off.
I lost it.
Me: Okay! I'm scared shitless. I don't know if I want to give them up I do then don't. I'll only see their shining faces occasionally. I don't want to be like the normal teen whore. Who gives up their kid then doesn't give a fuck after then continues on with their life.
I sniffled.
Mike: Hey listen it's gonna be okay we'll see them.
Me: And I'm getting fatter look at this.
I pulled up my shirt.
Mike: It's called being pregnant.
He put his hand on it.
Mike: You feel that I feel one of their heads.
I didn't believe him and put my hand on it.
Me: It is.
Mike: It's gonna be okay.
Me: I decided one of them is going to be Regan.
Mike: What about the middle name?
Me: Well Kitty wants her name to be somehow involved so her middle name will be Sarah.
Mike: What about the other one?
Me: I like Blake and Bailey.
Mike: Yeah.
Mike pulled up to the house. It was legit the biggest house I've ever seen even bigger than Nicole's.

 Me: That's a pretty big house.
Mike: You could say that again.
I got sleeping Danielle out of the car. And balanced her on my hip.
A redish girl answered the door. She has a perfect complexion, to die for wardrobe, and not an ounce of fat on her.
Me: Are you Molly?
Molly: Yes come in. Brad they're here!
I walked in Mike's hand was still wrapped around mine. A man walked in.

Brad: Hi I'm Brad.
Me: Sandy this is my fiance Mike and my daughter Danielle.
Brad: Nice to meet you all.
He smiled and Molly led us to the coach.

Molly folded her hands. Danielle was asleep on my lap. Mike had his arm around me.
Me: So why did you bring us here today?
Molly: We're interested in having an open adoption with you.
Mike: Not to be rude or anything but why can't you have kids on your own.
I slapped Mike.
Molly: We had trouble.... concieving. I suffered 3 miscarriages. So we went to a doctor and learned that I am physically unable to concieve children. I've always wanted to. We want to. But it just broke our hearts. It's the one thing we both wanted. Some people can have kids without trying. And I'm so jealous of them.
I shifted in my seat.
Me: That's horrible to hear.
Molly: Yeah. So can we hear a little about you?
Me: Sure. I just turned 19 last month. I have Danielle here she is 2. I was the captain of the varsity cheerleading team, and varsity dance team. I dropped out of highschool to raise Danielle. I had full paid scholarships for cheerleading and dance but I didn't accept because of Danielle. I was born and raised in Tulsa. I moved to Florida for 2 years with my grandparents because my parents weren't exactally fond of having a pregnant daughter. And my ex Sodapop wanted us to get married and they perfered me moving to Florida then getting married at 16.
Molly: I thought you were 17 when you had her.
Me: No. I got pregnant with her in June then I had her in January before I turned 17.
Molly: Oh wow.
Me: Yeah. Oh yeah here are ultrasounds of them if you want.
Molly held the ultrasound and started tearing up.
Brad: Do you know who you want to be the parents?
Me: Most defintally you guys. But we have one condition.
Molly: What money?
Me: Uhm no I want to name them since they are technically mine.
Molly: Sure what names do you have in mind?
Me: Regan.
Molly: Sure.
Me: Okay.
Molly: When are they due?
Me: November 9th.
Molly: How has your pregnancy been so far?
Me: One of them is laying weird but the doctor said it's perfectally normal and it's actually good because they aren't laying on top of each other. I've been getting really weird cravings, my feet are so swollen, I have the worst back pain, the worst mood swings, and I'm really big for 16 weeks.
Molly: Well we'll be here for you no matter what.
Me: Wow thanks.
Molly: No problem.
Danielle was starting to wake up in my lap. She smiled at Mike and reached out for him. Molly smiled at Danielle.
Molly: Can I hold her?
Me: Uhm sure.
She held Danielle as the look on Danielle's face simply said who the fuck is this nut job?! Danielle didn't complain she liked the attention.
Me: Is there any deals you guys want to make?
Molly: We want to go to all of the doctor appointments.
Me: Sure. Is that it?
Molly: Yeah.
Me: I should get going sorry it was nice meeting you two.
I got Danielle and Mike held my free hand as we walked to the car. Mike started driving.
Mike: What do you think of her as potential parents?
Me: I think they are going to have a pretty good life all they ever wanted was a child of their own. Now they get two blonde little girls.
Mike: How do you know they're going to be blonde? Soda has brown hair.
Me: I just know they're going to be blonde. Can we go back home I want to change.
Mike: Sure.
I pranced in the house and got changed into a light blue sundress. I looked in the mirror and I completly lost it. I lifted up my dress and looked at my baby bump.

 I was crying hysterically and couldn't get a hold of myself. Mike came running up.
Mike: What's wrong?
Me: I'm fat! I keep on getting bigger and bigger. And after that I don't know if I want to give them up. They will grow up as Soc's and think their mom is a no good low class whore. I can't live like this.
Mike held me as I cried.
Me: And I'm ugly my babies will be ugly.
Mike: You're beautiful and they will be.
I cried harder. After 20 minutes of Mike consoling me I felt a sharp pain in my back. I know this pain. It's not I'm too fat pain it's oh shit it's coming pain. I screamed as another one came.
Mike: What's wrong?
I couldn't breath.
Me: I'm having a fuckin contraction.
Mike: You're having them this early?
Me: I can't! They'll die right away their lungs aren't developed yet.
Then another one came.
Mike: We have to do something.
Me: Yeah like what?
Another one came it hurt so bad.
Me: Call Mark and tell him to come over here now.
He dialed Mark and explained the whole thing. As we waited for Mark to come over tears were spilling down my cheeks from the unbearable pain. Mark came to my room breathless.
Mark: What happened?
Me: I started getting contractions.
Mark: You're only 17 weeks pregnant.
Me: No shit sherlock.
Mark: We have to go to the hospital. Did your water break?
Me: No.
Mark: Okay that means they're not coming but something is defintally up.
He helped me up. Another one came.
Me: I want mom.
Mark didn't look at me. He knows when I'm in so much pain I always ask for mom.
Mark: She's not around anymore.
Me: I need drugs to stop the pain then.
Mark: Sandy you're not giving birth for another 5 months. You can't have drugs.
He helped me in the car. As Mike nervously stayed at the house looking after Danielle. Mark sped to the hospital as I squeezed his free hand. Mark parked and we quickly got into the hospital. He talked to his other doctors and he got me a room. They ran blood tests and urine tests. Mark came in and the contractions had stopped by then.
Me: What's wrong with me?
Mark: You were having braxton hick's contractions.
Me: And you think I know what the fuck that means?
Mark: It pretty much means your uterus is preparing to have the babies. It's flexing and it's painful as you just experienced. But they don't last very long. You should get them occasionally because your body isn't used to having twins.
Me: So what should I do for the pain?
Mark: Lay down drink lots of fluid and relax.
Me: You sure it will work?
Mark: It defintally will.
Me: Thanks.
Mark: Well you got really..... bigger since the last time I saw you.
Me: Yeah I know.
Mark: It's normal. Remember how big mom was with the triplets?
Me: Yeah she couldn't even fit in the doorway.
Mark pushed a stray hair away from my face.
Mark: I know it's hard but you'll get through it. Do you want to run an ultrasound?
Me: Not really.
Mark: Sandy they're in perfect health.
Me: Good. I gotta go see Mike and Danielle.
Mark: Wait are you actually happy with him?
Me: Yeah. Most defintally.
Mark: Do you miss Sam?
Me: I gotta go.
As I got in the car I realized I DO miss him. And I'm not ready for this commitment with a guy I barely know. I need time to think. I texted Leah.
Me: can u look after danielle 4 a little bit???
Leah: how long?
Me: idk. plz.
Leah: fine im coming to get her now.
I got in the house and snuck through the backdoor to not get noticed. I packed a duffle bag I kissed Danielle goodbye. And wrote a quick note: I'm confused I need time to think. Then I laid my engagement ring on top and sprinted out the door. I scrolled through my contacts and called him.
Sam: Sandy?
Me: Can I come over?
Sam: Of course.
Then I drove like crazy to Sam's penthouse. He opened up the door and smiled at me without hesitation I looked in his turquoise eyes. I kissed him then he kissed me back then we couldn't stop and found our way to the couch.
:/ Sandy

For Once In My Whole Life I Don't Want To Be Normal

I knew it was right. Just after 2 weeks.
Me: Yes.
He picked me up and kissed me everyone cheered. The Yankees lost. :(. But I won <3. The streets were full of drunks singing New York By Frank Cinantra even though they didn't even win go figure. We went back to the hotel and had uhmmm happy you said yes sex.
.........................................................................................................................
Me: Yo Kitty something big happened last night.
Kitty: Please don't tell me you're pregnant with triplets.
Me: Puh-lease. Mike proposed.
Kitty: Well I kinda figured after we found the ring.
Me: Yeah well but he did it in front of thousands of people.
Kitty: Awww.
Me: It's perfect.
Kitty: I better be your maid of honor or else...
Me: Or else what?
Kitty: Give me until November because I can't beat you up now cuz you're pregnant. Stupid Soda.
Me: Don't worry you're the one who I want to be my maid of honor.
Kitty: Really?
Me: Really.
Kitty: Awww.
Me: Happy now?
Kitty: Very much so.
Me: I'm just I don't know kinda depressed I guess.
Kitty: About being engaged to Mike?
Me: Oh hell no why would I say yes then?
Kitty: I don't know.
Me: I'm not going to have my dad to walk me down the aisle. That just really hurts a normal wedding has that.
Kitty: Listen Sandy I worried about that at first. But I have Darry or Soda to walk me down the aisle.
Me: Yeah I guess.
Kitty: And who the fuck cares about normal weddings? You know who has normal weddings normal people. And we are far from that.
Me: Really feel the love.
Kitty: Normal people are squeaky clean God loving virgins with a normal family. Last time I checked haha this cracks me up you're most defintally not a virgin.
Me: Shut up neither are you.
Kitty: Am I denying it?
Me: If I was there I would beat the shit out of you.
Kitty: Ohhh I'm so scared are you going to get the crowbar out again?
Me: Nope I'll think of something.
Kitty: That would be actually pretty hillarious. I'm sorry this might not be words of wisdom right now because I can totally sense you guys had sex last night.
Me: Kitty my hormones are freaking horny do you think I can survive a night without sex?
Kitty: Oh damn I'm gonna chop his dick off.
Me: You better not cut off Mike's.
Kitty: No you retard Soda's.
Me: No comment.
Kitty: Anywho I just picture you cuz you're big right now just beating the shit out of me with that crowbar again.
Me: Shut up KitKat Sarah Curtis.
Kitty: Are you trying to sound like Darry?
Me: I don't know. I don't wanna.
Kitty: You better not. Well if you weren't pregnant I would go all the way to New York and we would be drinking Whiskey and Rum.
Me: Vodka or Tequila would be nice too.
Kitty: And beer.
Me: At least you can have them.
Kitty: But I wanna throw you a party. But I already am but... opps.
Me: Did I just hear the word party?
Kitty: Nope.
Me: Yes I did are you throwing me a fuckin baby shower?
Kitty: Come on Sandy loosen up last time I threw you a baby shower you and Soda ended up going into a room fighting then having very loud makeup sex.
Me: I was 7 months pregnant I didn't know the.... results.
Kitty: Yeah but you're 3 months pregnant and I'm throwing you a baby shower whether you like it or not.
Me: Oh good God you're sounding like me.
Kitty: Ah shit.
Me: Yay.
Kitty: So when's the big day?
Me: I just got engaged last night I don't fuckin know.
Kitty: But like are you gonna be pregnant when you get married?
Me: Hell no I don't have the confidence to even step outside being fat. Do you think on the most important day of my life me out of all people will walk down the aisle pregnant? I have to be skinny when I do it.
Kitty: Remember our deal.
Me: Yeah yeah I know Doctor Phil.
Kitty: It's Doctor Kitty to you.
Me: No arguements there you could be a pretty good therapist.
Kitty: Because I'm just that sexy?
Me: Stop now you really are sounding like me I'm not liking this.
Kitty: Should I cleanse myself or something?
Me: You're a bitch.
Kitty: You're a bitch.
Me: Nooo you're a bitch.
Then I heard someone steal her phone.
Soda: Fine you're both bitches.
Kitty: No Soda you're a bitch.
Me: I agree with that.
Soda: What is this make fun of Soda day?
Kitty: You didn't hear it's a national holiday to celebrate your stupidity, your manwhoreness, and your petiteness. Now give me me freaking phone back.
I laughed at Kitty's..... niceness to her brother.
Kitty: So how's New York other wise?
Me: It's pretty good Mike got us a master suite in the W hotel. We went to Central Park today and made out on a blanket.
Kitty: Awww how romantic.
Me: It actually was.
Kitty: Are you scared to get married?
Me: Not really because I know it's only been a little bit but I love him and I know he's the right one.
Kitty: That was cute.
Me: Maybe because I am cute.
Kitty: Why yes Sandy I can just eat you up over your adorableness.
Me: Doesn't everyone?
Kitty: He proposed romantically even though we accidentally found the ring when I was on a search for your emergency bottle of tequila.
Me: Yeah it was amazing.
I saw Mike come in.
Mike: It's 10 o clock wanna go to bed?
Me: Yeah hold on.
Me: Hey I gotta go.
Kitty: Why are you gonna have sex?
Me: Nope gonna cuddle in bed and rent a movie on HBO.
Kitty: I'm beginning to think cuddle is a codename for sex.
Me: Shut up.
Kitty: Love ya bye.
Mike checked me out in my skimpy light blue lace nightie. We cuddled in bed and flipped through the movies.
Mike: Do you want Dear John, Letters To Juliet, I Am Number 4, The Notebook, or Mean Girls?
Me: All chickflicks. How about we get something we can both agree on?
Mike: I love you.
Me: I love you more.
He kissed me and tried taking off my nightie.
Me: Stop I want to watch a movie.
Mike: Fine.
Me: What about A League of Their Own or The Other Guys?
Me and Mike: The Other Guys.
We cuddled and watched The Other Guys. And no Kitty we did not have sex. I fell asleep in his arms and realized it was my first real day engaged and I love it and I hope for more.
:D Sandy

Everyone Has To Do It Sometime Or Later

He held my hand as the doctor applied that goo shit on my stomach.
Me: Please don't get it on my shirt this is a vintage Ralph Lauren.
Kitty laughed in the corner playing on the wheely chair.
Kitty: That's all you care about really?
Me: Shut up.
It appeared on the screen two tiny babies.
Doctor: You're having twin girls.
I smiled and wondered to myself if they were identical or fraternal. Kitty squealed in delight.
Kitty: Before you give them up name one of them Kitty please.
Me: Be lucky you can see them before I give them away.
Kitty stood there silently.
Mike: I bet they 're going to be beautiful just like you.
He kissed me.
Kitty: Seriously keep your hormones to yourself!
I slapped Kitty and she gave me the finger. I wiped off the stuff off my stomach and walked out of the room. Kitty insisted on coming because she wants one of them to be her minion -.- Kitty climbed into Soda's truck and blew me a kiss goodbye. We got into my crappy Volvo. Mike was silent it was pretty unusual. The sky cackled then it started pouring rain. Mike kept his eyes on his road.
Me: What's wrong?
Mike: What's wrong? Seriously? Sandy I can't keep on pretending that everything's okay. Like that it's my baby that you're carrying. And you're so careless about it!
He pulled up to the house and made his way to get in. I stood at the doorway.
Me: Leave.
Mike: Why?
Me: I love you and I don't deserve to be treated like crap.
Mike: Sandy..
Me: Leave! How can you go from insulting me and then trying to make everything okay?!?
With that note he left. Mascara poured down my cheeks I watched him leave his head down. And I saw he was crying. I wanted to yell don't leave. I went to the liquor cabinet and figured out the lock combo. Mark's birthday. 8-13-85. I got out my emergency bottle of Whiskey. I got out a glass and then Lexie came and snatched it away. I sulked to my room. I miss his sense of humor, I miss his eyes, I miss everything about him. I love him so why aren't I getting my man? I fell asleep and I realized I was still in my clothes. The clock said it was 2 am. I put my hair into a ponytail wiped away my tears and botled out the door. I knew he would be at the park near the pond. I sprinted down. I saw him sitting there his hands burried in his face.
Me: Mike.
He looked up at me and got up. I ran to him and my white drenched sundress soaked and see through splashing me.
Me: MIKE!
Me: Why did you start this do you not love me anymore?
Mike: Are you kidding? I'm in love with you completely in love with you.
Me: Then why did you act like a dick?!
Mike: I don't know I was just fed up that...
Me: What?
Mike: Nothing.
Me: Say it!
Mike: Okay! I'm fed up that you're not carrying my baby! I wish it's mine. Sandy I can't believe you would think for a second that I would ever fall out of love with you I'm completely in love with you.
I went closer to him he kissed me as the rain poured down. He kissed me and kissed me.
Me: I don't want to fight ever again.
He picked me up still kissing me and I wrapped my legs around his waist and we went home. Lexie and Adam were still awake as Mike slammed the door open. I ripped off his sweatshirt and we went upstairs our clothes falling off in the process.

_________________________________________________________________________________
I heard the door open. My voice hurt like a mother fucker. My hair was soaking wet Mike smiled at me.
Me: Shit I told Kitty she could come over today.
I handed him a pair of Mark's tee-shirts and basketball shorts. He got out of the room and Kitty said hi. I put on a robe and dried my hair. Kitty came up and held my damp dress and my bra.
Kitty: Care to explain?
Me: Not really.
Kitty: Let me guess you two had a fight then you had makeup sex.
Me: Pretty much.
Kitty: Wow.
Me: Shut up.
Kitty: Here I will let you take a shower because your hair looks like a rats nest after the wild makeup sex you had.
Me: Thanks.
I gave her the finger behind my back. I got changed afterwards and felt sudden relief that Danielle was sleeping over at Mark's.
Kitty: Was it good sex?
Me: Kitty!
Kitty: Answer the question.
Me: Well it was makeup sex...
Kitty: Are you kidding me? Two-Bit and I fight all the time and the makeup sex is the best. I mean whoa.
Me: Wow. So your question is answered.
I made my bed and Kitty sat on my white egg chair.
Me: Seriously your not going on my bed? It's made.
Kitty: You just had sex and I'm not touching those sheets.
I threw a pillow at Kitty. She grabbed the remote and flipped through the DVR.
Kitty: Seriously all you have is Glee, Jersey Shore, The Vampire Diaries, and Real World Las Vegas.
Me: Too bad.
Kitty: I need a drink.
Me: Look on my closet shelf I have a bottle of Tequila there.
She tried to reach for it being careful not to fall in her heels. Then an envelope fell down. Kitty picked it up.
Kitty: Two tickets to New York, May 14h.
Me: That's today!
Kitty: 2 tickets to the Yankees V.S Red Sox.
Me: Oh my God.
Kitty picked up a piece of folded paper.
Kitty: Ideas to propose: on the jumbotron, romantic night.
I nearly passed out. Kitty continued to look for her Tequila. Then a black velvet box fell. Kitty picked it up.
Kitty: Damn 2 weeks you two are getting married. Damn. After 2 weeks me and Two-Bit just had sex you two must really love eachother.
I stood in shock. Kitty opened up the box and there laid the most beautiful ring I ever laid eyes on.

Kitty squealed. Then Kitty found the Tequila.
Kitty: I will drink to this.
She took a swing of it and put it back. After an hour of watching Glee and me being in shock Kitty left. Mike came back. And I put the box and everything else back.
Mike: I found the house that we saw a couple of days ago for a decent price. Want to buy it?
Me: Yeah yeah sure.
Mike: Okay because I already called the real-estate agent and it's ours.
He threw me the keys. It's too much am I ready for this? He is the one...
Mike: And I got you a present. 2 tickets to New York up until Wednseday and Yankees V.S Red Sox tickets.
Me: Thanks.
I kissed him. His breath everything about him. I'm ready for this commitment. Danielle came home and I kissed her as I was packing. I put most of my shit into boxes being ready to move out. I took Danielle for a drive to our house. Danielle was in shock at how big it was to her.

Mike claims he is middle class but he is upper middle class since he can afford our new house. Danielle went running inside and was so happy. I took her to her room. The pink walls made her melt into a puddle. I took her back and kissed her goodbye. Mike and I went to the airport. The flight was mostly us making out. And me barfing half the flight. Thank God the doctor said the morning sickness goes away next month. I looked at the amazing city. We landed then I barfed again as Mike held my hair. We got to our hotel, the W hotel! Mike gave me the key and I ran up to the hotel room. It was absolutely gorgeous.

Then Mike suggested we try the bed out ;). It was nearly 6 pm and we had to go to the game. I got on my Mark Texiera jersey with a flimsy white camisole, jeggings, and 5 inch navy blue wedges. Mike and I rode the subway talk about scary. We got to the Bronx and we got to our seats in mid-field. I yelled at the Red Sox calling them dirty fuckers. The Yankees were losing so Mike and I started making out. They did the kiss cam and Mike and I did a GREAT kiss for them. Then I looked at the screen snuggling next to Mike. Then it said Sandy I love you and everything about you. You think you're the opposite of perfect while I think you're absolutely perfect. I love everything about you. I never loved anyone as much as you in my whole life. I can't imagine a day without you. Will you marry me? Mike was gone and he was on one knee I stood up.
Mike: Will you marry me?
<3333 Sandy

Where Did The Time Go?

Mike: Morning.
Me: Morning to you too.
Mike: Are you ready for our 2 week anniversary?
Me: I suppose.
Mike: That doesn't sound so enthusiastic to me.
Me: Trust me I am I just woke up. What time is it?
Mike: 11. I dropped Danielle off at daycare for you.
Me: You truly are amazing.
Mike: I do my best.
He kissed me.
Me: Why are you so amazing?
Mike: You're more amazing.
I shrugged my shoulders and pulled down the adult medium Revis Island shirt Mike got me. I sat up and Mike brought out a breakfast tray with a small vase of pink lillies my favorite. Then I gasped at how amazing he is. My all time favorite breakfast meal in the whole world.

Me: You did not go to IHOP and get the kids funny face.
Mike: But I did. I got IHOP for everyone Danielle loved it.
Me: You officially are the most amazing person that ever existed.
He kissed me.
Mike: Eat I even got you chocolate milk.
I ate my funny face and downed my chocolate milk. Mike cleared away the dishes and washed them! xD. I took a shower and got changed. I put on my medium elastic Michael Kors gold tiered tank dress with a pair of matching gold sandals. I let my hair in it's natural waves and put on my charm bracelet with the charm Mike got me. I took my black Juicy Couture bag and placed Mike's anniversary present in it.

I felt his silver rolex bouncing in the box as I walked. He always complains he needs a watch for special occasions so I got him one :). It has S.D + M.M in the center of the watch. :). I went downstairs as Mike looked adorable in his navy blue polo, basketball length khaki shorts, and his fancy Nike's. I smiled at him. He grabbed my hand and he led me to the car. I turned on the radio and put on On The Floor. After me singing along with the radio and Mike laughing at how adorably tone-deaf he is xD. He got an unsettling look on his face. His shoulders tensed.
Mike: You know how we met at the clinic?
Me: Yeah...
Mike: Why were you there? I mean like at bulimic's anonymous because I was picking Jessica up from it. Jessica has only been doing it for 2 months and Lily caught her in the act. It was kinda my descion to sign her up. But if I never picked up Jessica I would have never met you. Just tell me why you were there.
I cleared my throat.
Me: I've been battling bulimia for about 4 years now. I was never fat. I was always athletic gymnastics, swimming, cheerleading, softball, dancing, basketball, and so much more. And my mom made me model normal clothes, bikinis, and lingerie. So at a Victoria's Secret catalog shoot. And I was getting a snack and I was in just a bra and a lace thong. The models were always jealous of me because I had bigger boobs than them and I was younger and mine are real. And they started poking me like I was the Pillsbury Dough Boy. They called me fat and I weighed 110 pounds. I never considered myself fat. In the gang I was always the smallest one. 5 ft 5 and 110 pounds everyone was so jealous of me that I never gained weight because I ate so much crap. But after that happened to me I went home and ate everything in sight for comfort. Then I went to the bathroom to redo my hair. Then I ripped off all of my clothes that I was only in my underwear and bra. I had this huge makeover in the summer of 8th grade. My mom was tired of my dark highlights and all of my non girly girl stuff. Me and my best friend, Evie, we had matching nose piercings in 7th grade but mine closed up in 8th grade. After my makeover when ever I looked in the mirror I saw a tallish, natural blonde, deep meaningful blue eyes, a D chest that you never have to wear a pushup bra and you have to get custom made bras because you can never fit into normal ones, and a smoking hot body. But when I looked in the mirror I saw an obese blonde girl. I thought do I always look this way? I tried to pinch the fat that was hanging off my thong but I pinched air. Then I looked for any stretchmarks. I took deep breaths trying to tell myself I am okay. But the problem was I wasn't. I eyed the extra toothbrush on the counter then I couldn't resist myself because I got this bubbling feeling in my stomach that urged me to do it. Then I stuck the toothbrush side with the bristles going right down my throat. After that I couldn't control it. It was a routine. Wakeup, puke, brush teeth, shower, get changed, go to cheerleading, go straight to class, run 3 miles instead of lunch, makeout with any guy, go home, binge, purge, brush teeth, homework, cheerleading, dance, gymnastics, pretend to eat dinner, puke, go to bed. And do the same the next day. The lowest I've weighed was about 50 pounds. That's went I was wilting away you saw every bone in my chest, my legs were as thin as twigs, and my hair lost it's volume. It was 2 months after Danielle was born after she was born I went up a cup size. But at that time I was flat chested. I was in Boca at the time. I was at cheerleading practice and it was about 90 degrees outside. I was on top of the pyramid and I felt lightheaded but kept my smile. Then I fell of the pyramid from the dizziness. I woke up and everyone was hovering over me. My head throbbed as I saw a swarm of ponytails in my face. They asked me when was the last time I ate and I lied saying at lunch. They helped me up then I fell back down. They helped me but when I tried to get back up I hit my head again. I woke up attatched to tubes and I had an IV in my arm. My grandparents were crying just saying she's gone. The doctor came in and never diagnosed me as bulimic. They just told me to eat or I will be dead that week. I ate and weighed up to 97 pounds. Then started my diet again. I told you I moved back to Tulsa with Danielle you know that whole story with Soda and Bob. And after my mom died I did a bit of an OD on Ecstasy. But they still didn't diagnose me. I always lied to people saying that I didn't do it anymore. But I always have. I only stopped when I got pregnant then started again. I landed in the hospital a couple of weeks ago I told you that. And they told me I'm not only killing myself but my unborn children. That made me want to get help. So I did. No one's perfect I have so many flaws. But I guess when you're in love the person you're in love with has no flaws. They diagnosed me as bulimic for the first time. I try to keep it together for Danielle. To make myself look like a model parent. When Danielle's a teenager I don't know what will happen if she gets pregnant or is bulimic. Before I got pregnant again I was a complete mess. I told you how I dated Sam. And I was stressed beyond belief. I drank half a bottle of Whiskey, Rum, Vodka, or Tequila. I couldn't survive without taking at least one Ecstasy. And whenever I saw Danielle I tried to be sober. But I can't keep it together I'm falling apart. The only things that make me stay sane are you and Danielle. I'm not perfect fuck it I don't think anyone is. I might seem perfect to you but I'm not.
Mike: Hey you are perfect no matter what you're flaws are.
Me: Really?
Mike: Really. I love you Sandy.
Me: I love you too.
He pulled up to the mall parking lot.
Me: No way!
Mike: Yes way.
I squealed in delight as he helped me out of the car. We held hands walking into Lord and Taylor. The smell of Coach Poppy reminded me of all the free stuff I recieved and all of the expensive stuff. I inhaled it again. Amazing.
Mike: Anything you want my treat.
I squealed. We walked around the store.
Me: I don't know if you want to come but I have a doctors appointment later this week and I'm finding out the babies sex's.
Mike: I will come.
Me: And on Sunday a lot of couples are coming to the house. I'm interviewing them to see if they're fit to take care of the twins. And I get to see them occasionally.
Mike kissed me. I saw nothing in particular. None of the Chanel mini dresses in my old size 0 matched up to Mike. We walked over to Victoria's Secret. I got more bras.
Mike: I can't believe you were a model here. Was Soda mad?
Me: He didn't care.
Mike: I'm dating a model.
Me: You like it?
Mike: I'm in love with a model.
He kissed me in front of everyone. I looked for more bras. Mike came over to me with some of his favorite selections. He held up a thong that looked like a rubber glove. I shook my head. He held up more g-strings and I simply replied you wish. Mike wondered off as I got more underwear. I looked for him but he went to Tiffany. I didn't chase after him I just purchased my stuff. Mike was still there so I got Gators sweatpants and all of the matching things in a large. Mike came back and I was beyond curious. But I kept it to myself. We walked back to the car. We just sang along to my Glee Soundtrack. He pulled up to the beach.
Me: No way really?
Mike: I'm full of surprizes aren't I?
I smiled then Mike opened the trunk and got out 2 beach bags and a picnic basket.  We walked up to the beach.
Me: How are we supposes to have fun at the beach with no bathing suits?
Mike: I bought you that navy blue and gold Michael Kors sexy one piece that you always wanted in the catalog. I asked Lexie what size and I got you a size 6.
Me: My pregnant size right now.
Mike: You got it.
I grabbed my bathing suit and got changed into it. Mike got changed into a pair of old basketball shorts and no shirt xD. We held hands and walked onto the warm sand. He put his hand on my stomach.
Mike: You're getting bigger.
Me: Shut up I know.
Mike: When are you do?
Me: Early November they think November 9th at the earliest and November 13th at the latest. But they don't know because they might run out of room and I will have to go into early labor.
Mike: I'm by your side no matter what.
Me: I love you.
Mike: I love you too.
He laid down a blue beach towel. Then had my white iPod speakers and put in my iPod touch my 18th birthday present. He put on the Glee version of Bruno Mars' Marry You. I smiled and pulled down my Prada aviators. We cuddled on the blanket and I tried to teach him a simple dance to Glee Forget You. Mike gave up after I started trying to point his toes. Mike was making sure I wasn't hurting the babies by dancing. And I told him I'm fine because even celebrities pre-natal pole dance and then he asked me if I could do it for him ;). I tried to teach Mike how to dougie but he gave up on that too. Then he watched me dougie and told me I was sexy at it. Mike buried my swollen feet then gave me a massage. Mike ate a hamburger and I had a veggie burger. We both had a HUGE thing of fries. Mike got me an extra large vanilla milkshake and he had a chocolate one. We started building sandcastles and mine beats his.

Mike's sandcastle

My sandcastle.
We made out some more until people started yelling at us. Whops.
Mike: I know this is sudden but would you want to move in my house or yours or we find our own place. You, me, and Danielle.
Me: Yes absolutely. Let's find our own place.
Mike: Sandy.
Me: Mike.
It was perfect the sun was setting and it was just perfect. I got his present out.
Me: Here happy anniverary baby.
Mike: It's perfect.
He smiled and kissed me. I stood up and brushed sand off my ass. Mike wrapped his arms around me.
Me: We should get going I don't want to miss Glee.
Mike: Okay.
We went back to the house and watched Glee in our pajamas. Mike held me as I cried when Kurt got nominated prom queen. He laughed when I was yelling at the TV for Brittany not saying yes to Artie. Mike gave me diamond earrings from Tiffany. xD. I wasn't hoping for a ring or anything it's too soon. But I wouldn't care if he did because he's the most amazing person in the world. We know everything about eachother and each day is like the first. Exact quote Michael Tyler Montgomery. xD. We cuddled and fell asleep in eachother's arms as Danielle and the other uhm didn't hear what was going on up here.
;) Sandy

I love you Mike <333

Mother's Day

Evie: What's wrong Soda didn't go to your cheerleading practice?
Me: Leave me alone.
Evie: I'm your best bitch you can tell me anything.
Me: This I can't.
Evie: Come on.
I shrugged my shoulders and walked away. I walked to cheerleading practice. The fast beat of Boom Boom Pow came on. I squatted in my position feeling immediate nausea. Everyone did their roundoffs. Then I strattle jumped up and went running into a front handspring flip. I felt like I was about to puke any minute. I thought my face was green. My mind felt like it was on an endless roller coaster. They picked me up and I flipped off they caught me then they put me on the top. We smiled big and proud of our pyramid. I felt like shit. My knees were quivering about to collapse any minute. Then we broke apart and someone caught me. I sprinted to the bathroom to puke. I ran and got my white bag from my duffle bag. I sprinted into the bathroom making sure no one will see me. I tore open the wrapper. And got the 3 pregnancy tests out of the box. I peed on the first one hoping with all of my heart it will be negative. I bought 6 boxes with 1 tests in each. I peed on the first one. I waited and bounced all around the bathroom. My short skirt twirling on my hips. Then it came. I grabbed 6 different types of pregnancy tests so this one was the worst. -.- It had a smiley face. A simple smiley face. I looked on the box. It said smiley face= pregnant. My face turned bright red. I felt dizzy. I tore open another box. I waited another 3 minutes staring at my flushed reflection. The test came. Pregnant. I couldn't breath. I opened another box barely having enough pee left. I waited and waited. Then 2 pink lines. I laid them all on the sink counter. I lifted up my shirt. I just thought I was getting fat. I gave up eating to maintain my size 0 body. I looked up at my usual body. My red and black lace bra was too big from giving up eating. Where you can once see my ribs was .... average looking. I face was flushed. I felt like I was about to faint. I started drinking my water bottle again hoping to generate enough pee for another pregnancy test. The last time I had sex was 2 months ago. And that was a new record for me the longest I've gone without sex was a week. The last person I had sex with was Bob then before that Soda. The tears started coming again. The door opened my heart did a front/ backhandspring flip which I was supposed to do right now. She came in and I sighed in relief. Her brown hair was in a messy ponytail. She fiddled with her nose piercing. We got matching ones in 7th grade but mine closed up in 9th grade. Her face went pale. She crossed her arms over her Ramones tee-shirt I got her in 6th grade that fit her but was tight across her chest. She fixed the strap on her black leather work boots. Then twirled a piece of her new blue highlights.
Evie: What's going on?
Me: Nothing.
I hid the boxes of the pregnancy tests behind my back. I forgot about the 3 positive pregnancy tests on the sink counter.
Evie: Is there something you want to tell me? Maybe something that you were uncomfortable about and didn't tell me this morning?
I burst into tears once again.
Me: They aren't mine.
Evie: No one would leave 3 different types of positive pregnancy tests in a public bathroom.
Me: I'm scared.
Evie: Aww Sandy.
Me: I just found out today. I recognized the symptoms of weight gain. So I gave up eating to maintain my body. But I can't believe I ignored it because I'm that much of a baby.
Evie: Hey everything's going to be okay.
Me: That's the problem it's not.
Evie: Hey come here.
She wrapped her skinny arms around me. I saw her new tattoo on her collarbone of 3 stars. Stars are our thing I got them on my foot then I got a rose on my ankle while I was at it. Her black nail polished hands were around me.
Me: I can't believe it.
Evie: Shhh...
The door opened again it was Blair, Kitty, and Jelly. They saw my tear streaked face.
Blair: Is there something going on here?
Evie let go of me and I wiped my face with the back of my hand. I put on such a fake smile that I deserved an Oscar for. Kitty's eyes darted from the positive pregnancy tests to me. Jelly had a smirk on her face.
Jelly: Who's are those?
Evie: They're mine.
Kitty: Steve knocked you up?
Evie: You got that right.
Blair: Really?
Evie: Are you blind don't you see my positive pregnancy tests?
Blair: Uhm yeah.
Kitty sighed in relief. And they fixed their hair and went back to class.
Me: Thanks you really saved my life. If Kitty found out she would tell Soda.
Evie: But you gotta tell him eventually he is the baby daddy.
Me: Uhm yeah that's what I'm worried about...
Evie: Huh?
Me: Well I got the symptoms 2 months ago. When I slept with Soda. I tried to ignore it so I went to a party and I slept with.... with with Bob Sheldon. And I don't know who's the father.
Evie: Oh Sandy. You gotta tell him no matter what he will stay by your side.
Me: I think I will hold off for a little bit.
Evie: Whatever you want to do. I gotta head back to class I already have a F in Syme's class and that's me actually showing up.
She headed towards the door.
Me: Evie.
Evie: Yeah?
Me: Thanks you truely are my best bitch.
She laughed and stuffed her hands in her pockets and headed back to class.
Some people become mothers when their baby is laid on their chest. But I became a mother the moment I found out I was pregnant. Without Evie's help I would be in shock till this day. Evie thanks for helping me through my 1st pregnancy and you can help me with this one :) Some people don't care if you're a mother already or if you're excepting and they aren't the one. If they accept you then you absolutely know they're the right one. And people despise mother's day. But I love it. Not the cards from your two year old that has 2 pounds of chunky glitter from the glue on it and not even in English. Not the cards, the roses, or the kisses from the perfect guy who isn't even the baby daddy. Not the chocolates from your kid and your perfect boyfriend. Not the peaceful day at the park with your daughter and your amazing boyfriend. But being a mother in general. Some babies are planned, unplanned, months early, or years late. But they are all human and deserved to be loved. You really have that deep mother and child connection when the doctor lays your baby on your chest. Danielle Grace Davis you make me crazy with your princess obsession but I absolutely love you baby. You're the one who made me grow up. I love you and I could celebrate another holiday because of you. I love you.
<33 Sandy

You Never Go Through Anything Alone When You're With The Right One

I balanced Danielle on my hip as she played with my hair. My cellphone blasted "Eternal Flame" And I immdiately knew it was Mike.
Me: Hey.
Mike: Hey what are you doing today?
Me: I have a doctor's appointment.
He noticed the weakness in my voice.
Me: And I have to go alone. Because uhm Soda doesn't want anything to do with it. And right now I'm just scared.
Tears streamed down my face. When you're pregnant you know you have to wear waterproof mascara. Or else you're just screwed.
Mike: Hey it's okay. I could go with you. It will be our date today.
Me: I don't know. You might feel uncomfortable.
Mike: Listen Sandy. I don't care as long as I'm with you it's all that matters.
Me: Really?
Mike: Really. So I will come over.
Me: Thanks.
I wiped the tears off my face. I got showered and changed. Danielle was running around the house naked. I picked her up. She ran out of the freaking bathtub when I wanted to dry her off. I put her in a light blue sundress and put her hair in pigtails. I kissed her to death.
Me: Danielle do you like Mike?
Danielle: Daddy?
I nearly passed out. She never called Matt, Sam, or Chris "Daddy" Well Mike loves Danielle like she's his own daughter. I hugged Danielle and set her down. I laid down on the couch with a bag of carmel popcorn laying on my chest. Hey I get cravings that are salty and sweet. I watched Jersey Shore reruns because the new season isn't coming soon enough. :(. The doorbell rang. I fixed my red halter top. And I fixed my leggings. I fixed my black strappy Christain Louboutin heels. My feet are soo freaking swollen it takes me legit 20 minutes to put on heels. And they kill! Mike came to the door in a Gator tee-shirt, ripped jeans, and orange and green Nikes.
Me: My family already likes you.
Mike: Why you say that?
Me: You're a Gators fan.
Mike: You're one too?
Me: Die hard college football Gator fan.
He kissed me. I felt his hand moving near my ass.
Me: Hey you can't touch my fat ass.
Mike: It's not fat it's sexy.
I kissed him. And put his hand on my back. I had to restrain myself and my fucking horny hormones from ripping off his adorable Gators shirt. I held his hand and lead him to the living room.
Mike: What time is your doctor's appointment?
Me: Three.
Mike: So that gives us time...
Me: For what?
Mike: Anything.
I gave him a wink.
Me: Hmmm I will do anything you want to.
Mike: Really?
Me: Yeah.
I turned on Teen Mom 2.
Mike: That's not exactally what I want...
I gave him a wink. We kissed. I turned back to the TV to make him want me more.
Mike: Hey.
Me: This is a pretty good show...
He grabbed my face and kissed me. We kissed and kissed. We got up still kissing and lead ourselves into my room. I slammed the door with my foot. We made out on my bed.
Mike: Hey babe I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or pressured to do it. I really like you and with your situation I don't want you to do anything you don't want to.
I sat up and put my hair into a ponytail.
Me: It's not like I don't want to do it... I mean trust me I've gone almost I think 3 months without sex. And I want it. But I feel like every guy just has sex with me and runs off. Like I want a real relationship where I'm not pregnant with someone else's kid. Where we love eachother and have sex. I want that fairy tale relationship.
Mike held my face.
Mike: Trust me. When I'm with you I feel like it's unreal you're drop dead gorgeous. Pregnant or not. I love how much we have in common. I love it when we are in the car and you sing along with the radio. And you have such a good voice. I love how every step you take you're rehearsing a dance move. I love how your daughter is your first priority. I love your blue eyes. They're deep and describe your whole personality. I love your blonde hair. I love every thing about you Sandy. I don't know what you feel. But I feel like I'm living that "fairy tale" relationship when I'm with you.
He leaned in close and wiped a stray piece of hair away from my face. I leaned in and kissed him. We kissed again then went back to the living room. We cuddled on the couch. Until Danielle started hollering. I picked her up and she watched TV with us. The babysitter came because I had to leave for my appointment. We drove in my car. Well actually Mike drove. I sang ET along with the radio. We got out of the car. We sat down on the ugly ass chairs that people probably had sex on. -.- Mike held my hand as I nervousily twitched my foot. My teeth chattered in fear. I don't know why I was so scared but I just was. Next to me was a pregnant girl around her early 30's kissed her husband. When I imagined being at the OB GYN I imagined myself married. Actually happy to be pregnant. At my first OB GYN appointment when I was pregnant with Danielle, I was so scared I made Evie come. And she said she was the baby daddy and she was swivelling around on the chair and put doctor gloves on to relieve the tension. They called me in I winced. Mike held my hand and came in with me. They lead us into a room that instantally gave me chills running up and down my spine. I laid down and pulled up my light blue tank top to reveal my baby bump. I smoothed out my white pencil skirt. Mike held my hand. The doctor came in.
Dr. Forbes: Hey Sandy. We are just going to check you out.
Me: Okay.
She poured that goo shit on my stomach. I instantly got goosebumps from how freaking cold it was. Mike gave me a smile simply assuring me that everything will be okay. She found one heartbeat then the other one.
Dr. Forbes: Everything looks okay from the point of view that you were underweight. But most twins are pre-mature. And you will be 3 months pregnant in a couple of weeks. To be exact 2 weeks. They are doing fine. They are almost fully developed organ wise. You could have them at 7 months but I don't think any earlier. But they are healthy good luck Sandy.
Me: Thanks.
I pulled my shirt down to not feel like a beached whale. We left the OB GYN place. Mike was completly silent in the car. I lowered down Rolling In The Deep. Something was defintally wrong. Mike kept his eyes on the road.
Me: What's wrong?
Mike: Are you serious Sandy? Before at your house I ammiditted that I love you. After a week. I'm completly in love with you Sandy. And you didn't say anything back.
Me: But I do Mike I do.
Mike: Whatever.
Tears filled the corners of my eyes. I DO LOVE HIM! But how do I explain it? I texted Kitty to come to Karoke Night tonight with Two-Bit, Blair and Dally. And I invited Elena to get to know her better. Do I sound weird today? I think soooo.... xD. I want to prove I love him back. He told me he loves my voice when I think I have a shitty one. But I'm judgemental to myself. On one of our dates we danced to Eternal Flame by The Bangles. Hmmmm that's it. So once Mike parked the car he stayed at the house he played with Danielle. I got changed into something sexy, eyepopping. = something that hides my baby bump. I settled on a flowy red halter top, leggings, and black Jimmy Choos. I let my hair in it's natural waves. I applied lip gloss and gold hoops and smiled at my reflection.
Me: Come on we are going to Karoke Night.
Mike: Whatever.
GRRR!!!! We drove to the restaurant that was hosting it. Turns out Mike works there and it was his shift. I found Kitty kissing Two-Bit, Blair and Dally hugging, and Elena went alone. I sat next to Elena at the bar.
Me: Seltzer with lemon please.
I felt so stupid for dragging everyone here.
Elena: You okay?
Me: Not really...
After the performance was over I was so fed up. I went up on stage. Elena stared at me with her mouth wide open.
Elena: What are you doing?!?
Me: Hey everyone. I've been through so much lately. Words can't describe my feelings for Michael Tyler Montgomery. We've only known each other for one week. But Mike I love you. So... here I am feeling a little loopy not knowing what to do.
I saw a guy come towards Elena. Oh yeah that's Colby. They're just friends but stilll they look cute together. I whispered to the band guy.
Me: Can you do Eternal Flame?
They nodded and I took a deep breath. I started singing. Elena stood there smiling at me. Kitty smiled in shock. Blair smiled with Dally's arms around her. Halfway through the song as I was holding my note I saw Mike coming toward me.
Me: Mike I...
He grabbed me and kissed me like never before.
Mike: I love you too.
I felt such relief as I met his lips once again. I can't believe I dragged everyone there for that. Well too bad. I finshed the song as Mike stood on the side of the stage smiling. I got off the stage. Mike's warm hand wrapped around mine.
Mike: Happy one week anniversary.
He pulled out a heart Tiffany charm with our initals engraved in it.
S.D +
M.M= Forever
I kissed him again.
Me: Sorry I don't have a present for you.
Mike: Babe. You had the guts to go up on stage and sing your feelings for me I think that beats this.
He gave me another kiss. I went over to Kitty, Elena, and Blair.
Me: Sorry for dragging you here.
Kitty: Eh you drag me to everything these days.
I smiled.
Elena: Are you kidding you have such a good voice!
Me: Thanks Elena you're really nice.
She smiled and started talking to Colby.
Blair: You were good Sandy.
Then she returned to kissing Dally. Mike wrapped his arms around me. We danced and danced.
Mike: I love you.
Me: I love you too.
And for once I actually meant it. I haven't said it since Sam well I have but I didn't mean it. Then we returned to kissing. We went back home and played with Danielle. We made out for an hour or two then I cuddled up to the most amazing man that's ever been in my life. My boyfriend that I love, Michael Tyler Montgomery.
xD Sandy

Me and Mike at the movies seeing Hop.