Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother's Day

Evie: What's wrong Soda didn't go to your cheerleading practice?
Me: Leave me alone.
Evie: I'm your best bitch you can tell me anything.
Me: This I can't.
Evie: Come on.
I shrugged my shoulders and walked away. I walked to cheerleading practice. The fast beat of Boom Boom Pow came on. I squatted in my position feeling immediate nausea. Everyone did their roundoffs. Then I strattle jumped up and went running into a front handspring flip. I felt like I was about to puke any minute. I thought my face was green. My mind felt like it was on an endless roller coaster. They picked me up and I flipped off they caught me then they put me on the top. We smiled big and proud of our pyramid. I felt like shit. My knees were quivering about to collapse any minute. Then we broke apart and someone caught me. I sprinted to the bathroom to puke. I ran and got my white bag from my duffle bag. I sprinted into the bathroom making sure no one will see me. I tore open the wrapper. And got the 3 pregnancy tests out of the box. I peed on the first one hoping with all of my heart it will be negative. I bought 6 boxes with 1 tests in each. I peed on the first one. I waited and bounced all around the bathroom. My short skirt twirling on my hips. Then it came. I grabbed 6 different types of pregnancy tests so this one was the worst. -.- It had a smiley face. A simple smiley face. I looked on the box. It said smiley face= pregnant. My face turned bright red. I felt dizzy. I tore open another box. I waited another 3 minutes staring at my flushed reflection. The test came. Pregnant. I couldn't breath. I opened another box barely having enough pee left. I waited and waited. Then 2 pink lines. I laid them all on the sink counter. I lifted up my shirt. I just thought I was getting fat. I gave up eating to maintain my size 0 body. I looked up at my usual body. My red and black lace bra was too big from giving up eating. Where you can once see my ribs was .... average looking. I face was flushed. I felt like I was about to faint. I started drinking my water bottle again hoping to generate enough pee for another pregnancy test. The last time I had sex was 2 months ago. And that was a new record for me the longest I've gone without sex was a week. The last person I had sex with was Bob then before that Soda. The tears started coming again. The door opened my heart did a front/ backhandspring flip which I was supposed to do right now. She came in and I sighed in relief. Her brown hair was in a messy ponytail. She fiddled with her nose piercing. We got matching ones in 7th grade but mine closed up in 9th grade. Her face went pale. She crossed her arms over her Ramones tee-shirt I got her in 6th grade that fit her but was tight across her chest. She fixed the strap on her black leather work boots. Then twirled a piece of her new blue highlights.
Evie: What's going on?
Me: Nothing.
I hid the boxes of the pregnancy tests behind my back. I forgot about the 3 positive pregnancy tests on the sink counter.
Evie: Is there something you want to tell me? Maybe something that you were uncomfortable about and didn't tell me this morning?
I burst into tears once again.
Me: They aren't mine.
Evie: No one would leave 3 different types of positive pregnancy tests in a public bathroom.
Me: I'm scared.
Evie: Aww Sandy.
Me: I just found out today. I recognized the symptoms of weight gain. So I gave up eating to maintain my body. But I can't believe I ignored it because I'm that much of a baby.
Evie: Hey everything's going to be okay.
Me: That's the problem it's not.
Evie: Hey come here.
She wrapped her skinny arms around me. I saw her new tattoo on her collarbone of 3 stars. Stars are our thing I got them on my foot then I got a rose on my ankle while I was at it. Her black nail polished hands were around me.
Me: I can't believe it.
Evie: Shhh...
The door opened again it was Blair, Kitty, and Jelly. They saw my tear streaked face.
Blair: Is there something going on here?
Evie let go of me and I wiped my face with the back of my hand. I put on such a fake smile that I deserved an Oscar for. Kitty's eyes darted from the positive pregnancy tests to me. Jelly had a smirk on her face.
Jelly: Who's are those?
Evie: They're mine.
Kitty: Steve knocked you up?
Evie: You got that right.
Blair: Really?
Evie: Are you blind don't you see my positive pregnancy tests?
Blair: Uhm yeah.
Kitty sighed in relief. And they fixed their hair and went back to class.
Me: Thanks you really saved my life. If Kitty found out she would tell Soda.
Evie: But you gotta tell him eventually he is the baby daddy.
Me: Uhm yeah that's what I'm worried about...
Evie: Huh?
Me: Well I got the symptoms 2 months ago. When I slept with Soda. I tried to ignore it so I went to a party and I slept with.... with with Bob Sheldon. And I don't know who's the father.
Evie: Oh Sandy. You gotta tell him no matter what he will stay by your side.
Me: I think I will hold off for a little bit.
Evie: Whatever you want to do. I gotta head back to class I already have a F in Syme's class and that's me actually showing up.
She headed towards the door.
Me: Evie.
Evie: Yeah?
Me: Thanks you truely are my best bitch.
She laughed and stuffed her hands in her pockets and headed back to class.
Some people become mothers when their baby is laid on their chest. But I became a mother the moment I found out I was pregnant. Without Evie's help I would be in shock till this day. Evie thanks for helping me through my 1st pregnancy and you can help me with this one :) Some people don't care if you're a mother already or if you're excepting and they aren't the one. If they accept you then you absolutely know they're the right one. And people despise mother's day. But I love it. Not the cards from your two year old that has 2 pounds of chunky glitter from the glue on it and not even in English. Not the cards, the roses, or the kisses from the perfect guy who isn't even the baby daddy. Not the chocolates from your kid and your perfect boyfriend. Not the peaceful day at the park with your daughter and your amazing boyfriend. But being a mother in general. Some babies are planned, unplanned, months early, or years late. But they are all human and deserved to be loved. You really have that deep mother and child connection when the doctor lays your baby on your chest. Danielle Grace Davis you make me crazy with your princess obsession but I absolutely love you baby. You're the one who made me grow up. I love you and I could celebrate another holiday because of you. I love you.
<33 Sandy

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